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Broadchurch series 2 episode 3 review |
January 20, 2015

Broadchurch series 2 episode 3 review | Crash test dummy

ITV Alec chases the papers of Lee and Claire up-and-down the streets with the desperate futility that has become his trademark. Exasperated, he turns to berate Smellie. “What’s the point of you, Miller?” I think we’ve all asked that at some point, to be fair. They argue bitterly over who is Britain’s Shittest Cop and... Read More
Tv show review
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Broadchurch series 2 episode 1 review
January 5, 2015

Broadchurch series 2 episode 1 review | Stop. Hammer time!

ITV Broadchurch is back! Wooooooo!! There ain’t no party like Broadchurch party. Not that you’d know it looking at this mob – freshly demoted Smellie’s walking around with a face like a slapped arse giving speeding tickets to the terminally ill and telling her shrink about her hammer murder fantasies. And Alec’s popping pills like... Read More
Tv show review
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The Fall BBC2 series 2 episode 6 review
December 18, 2014

The Fall BBC2 series 2 episode 6 review | Orangemen are not the only fruit

BBC Two Despite institutionalised stupidity and the most slapdash recruitment and training in this or any other hemisphere the PSNI quickly establish that the still smoking husk in front of them is Paul Spector’s car. “Tell you what, mate” says one “That’s a write-off now, so it is.” Stella makes a mental note to have... Read More
Tv show review
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The Missing BBC1 episode 8 review
December 16, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 8 review | Having a mayor

BBC1 It’s been a long turbulent ride but at last we are back in Châlons Du Bois to finally discover – wait, what’s this? We are transported to urban Russia? Children play in the snow as a bumbling douche in a parka approaches. The children scatter. The douche leaves. So far, so Russian. But take... Read More
Tv show review
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The Missing BBC1 episode 7 review
December 9, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 7 review | Vincent bans cock

BBC1 Wait, what’s this? Châlons Du Bois 2009? A new timeline altogether. The rupture in the space-time continuum has been caused by some dopey local kid called Alex Du Champs who’s got himself abducted after winning a football tournament. Some “winner” he turned out to be. Once they hear about Alex the Hughes hurtle off... Read More
British drama
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The Fall series 2 episode 5 review
December 8, 2014

The Fall series 2 episode 5 review | His only crime: loyalty.

BBC2 It’s early morning. Paul inspects the wreckage from the Secret Plod ceiling clusterfuck in his bedroom. He paces around like a wounded panther – hot, sexy, angry. Some vinyl goes on the turntable – it’s Hand Me Down My Walking Cane by Delta blues legend Blind Ian Paisley III. He burns his wank diary... Read More
British drama
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The Missing BBC1 episode 6 review.
December 3, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 6 review | Shirt’s so good

BBC One After his vicious killing of an innocent pensioner Daddy Big Ears has a quick cleanup of the boat and goes for night-time Dexter body dump in his underpants. He plops Garrett’s weighed down body into the sea and he sinks just like a little bitch. He’ll be doing his child molesting from the... Read More
British drama
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The Fall series 2 episode 4 review.
December 2, 2014

The Fall series 2 episode 4 review | Taken at the flood

BBC2 I’ll tell you this much: our girl Stella’s a proper tramp. Her hotel room’s like a crime scene – clothes tossed around everywhere, yellow tape, forensics bods dusting for dabs, photographers flashbulbs going off every few seconds, coppers bagging evidence. In her defence her hotel room actually is a crime scene as we join... Read More
British drama
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The Fall series 2 episode 3 review.
November 24, 2014

The Fall series 2 episode 3 review | Stalk this way

BBC Two As we join him Paul Spector is on a morning run through the woods. “Hi birds!” he says with a wave. The Goldcrest and Chaffinch shrill a response in unison. “Hi Mister Fox!” he shouts and the Fox responds with a two pawed salute. It’s good to be alive. He then comes across... Read More
British drama
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The Missing BBC1 episode 4 review
November 18, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 4 review | Guilt trip

BBC1 No one is having it easy in Châlons Du Bois in 2006. Emily is tripping balls hallucinating Oliver every 30 seconds and it’s up to Daddy Big Ears to comfort her. “We’ll find him – I promise.” says Tony “And then we’ll kill him” he whispers to himself. “What?” “Nothing” He later meets with... Read More
British drama
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The Fall series 2 episode 2 review
November 17, 2014

The Fall series 2 episode 2 review | Up the Dante

BBC2 While Stella has sex dreams where she kills Paul who then turns into her da’ who has the voice of Dead James Olson Paul is busy forcing Rose to write a note to her pissed husbland. Once that’s done he skedaddles out the door with her, so he does. Her daughturd Nancy witnesses the... Read More
British drama, Foreign TV
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The Fall series 2 episode 1 recap
November 13, 2014

The Fall series 2 episode 1 review | Living Doll

BBC2 And lo it is a welcome return for Anal Stuppit‘s The Fall, the feelgood hit of 2013 (if murderous sex offenders walking free makes you feel good, that is). 10 days have passed since we left Stella and Paul chatting away on the phone all “I’m gonna get you sucker!” and “No you’re not!”... Read More
British drama, Foreign TV
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The Missing BBC1 episode 3 review
November 11, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 3 review | My brittle Tony

BBC1 In the all-important 2006 timeline Emily frantically searches for Oliver‘s favourite toy Mister Fox. “He’ll want it when he comes back” she explains “We’re not going to see that little cunt for a while” says an increasingly bitter Pony. His mood isn’t helped none when the filth drag him in for further questioning. They... Read More
British drama
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Peaky Blinders series 2 episode 6 review
November 6, 2014

Peaky Blinders series 2 episode 6 review | Red hand gang

BBC Two Tommoi Shelby will be the first to admit that he’s not much of a letter writer. Scrawling “Oi’m gonna kill yow” on a chitty then stapling it to the forehead of a debtor is about his limit. And yet we find him writing a letturd to the Editor of the New York Times... Read More
British drama, Period
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The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 4 review
November 6, 2014

The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 4 review | PoW wow

BBC1 Even though we are now three years into the greatest conflict mankind has ever seen Tommy still draws birds like a little bitch. He is traumatised by the memories of his shit dead mates and his thoughts turn to despair. “We are not conquering anything” he notes sadly “What if it never ends?” It’s... Read More
British drama, Period
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The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 3 review
November 5, 2014

The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 3 review | Somme girls will

BBC1 As we reach late 1916 on the Western Front the nearby arrival of the Madame Curie Travelling Hospital for Sexually Transmitted Diseases means that Tommy can pay a visit to Joanna. His comrades sneak him in apparently unaware that she has spent the last year banging Cossacks left, right and centre. “Well one more... Read More
British drama
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The Missing BBC1 episode 2 review
November 4, 2014

The Missing BBC1 episode 2 review

BBC1 The Missing has been an unrelenting, traumatic telling of one man’s eight year quest to punish his son for an unforgivable caricature. In the 2006 timeline Baptiste hauls in local nonce Vincent Bourg for a chat. Witnesses have him as a regular at the pool where Oliver went missing and he acted proper shifty... Read More
British drama
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Glue E4 episode 8 review
November 3, 2014

Glue E4 episode 8 review | Elijah would (kill you good)

E4 Overton. Home of nudey grain silo dives, druggy holer jockeys, paedo cops and fake vets. We have enjoyed your company. In what promises to be a complicated finale Slut’s Daughter and Slut’s Daughter’s Daughter gets a visit from Slut that sets off a train of thought which leads Slut’s Daughter to discover it was... Read More
British drama
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The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 1 review
November 3, 2014

The Passing Bells BBC1 episode 1 review | Ready, aim, dire

BBC1 The ethnic cleansing of the working class that was the First World War celebrates its 100th anniversary anytime now and as part of the celebrations Pony Jordung wrote The Passing Bells in roughly the same amount of time it will take to broadcast it – five 30 minutes episodes on consecutive nights this week.... Read More
British drama, Period
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Peaky Blinders series 2 episode 5 review
October 30, 2014

Peaky Blinders series 2 episode 5 review

BBC2 Now that Arthur‘s been down in the capital for a few months it’s time for Alfie to explain to him the origins of the Jewish festival Passover. “Well see me old mucker – Moses was one of your own. Not like your Pharaoh oppressing and enslaving and whatnot. Moody cunt. So your old Yahweh... Read More
British drama, Period
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