aerial telly: the tv panopticonYou 'people' make me sick

Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, My Name Is Earl, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

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TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling

The Inbetweeners

The Inbetweeners

E4

E4 has tackled teenagers before with mixed results. Skins showed promise before descending into gimmickry and pretension. And if you saw the 19-year-old Aerial Telly was "tackling" last weekend you would agree that teenagers can be a handful. So how to handle a comedy about teenagers? Is it not doomed to failure? Comedy is hard to write at the best of times never mind taking into account the insanity of adolescence. E4 have come up with The Inbetweeners, set in the hell of state school sixth form and you know what? It's something of a diamond. The Inbetweeners.


Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here

Amir Khan, World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here

Go on - get

It's Bank Holiday weekend. More misery and loneliness for you, more partying and pum-pum for Aerial Telly. But he has not come here to gloat. If you think that you can just shut your skank ass up, shut it the hell up, shut it up right now. Because Aerial Telly has come to give you another of his fantastic value boxing bets. On Betfair, there is a market on whether or not Amir Khan will be a champion of the world by the end of 2008. No, is the correct bet, he believes. He has backed No at 1.75, 1.8 and laid Yes at 2.28, 2.3. He even has a bit more left up 1.8 if any damn fool fancies taking him on. But he is recommending that you put up offers at anything over 1.5. Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.


Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

SciFi

There is an excellent YouTube recap of the first three seasons of Battlestar Galactica below. It's for "people" new to the show though to be honest it's just as necessary for people like Aerial Telly who have watched every episode. It's a demanding and occasionally confusing show. Telling human from cylon, good from bad, monotheist from polytheist is never straightforward. That's what makes it such a rewarding watch, of course, but seriously, avail yourself of the geeky Galactica resources on the net to keep yourself up to speed vis-a-vis who's fucking who, which version of Six that is and who had what vision about which particular nebula and how that relates to the book of Exodus. It's a complex and intricate mythology but definitely worth your while if you're serious about learning the way of the reimagined Battlestar Galactica, one of the best shows on television. Battlestar Galactica Season 4


Advertisers continue to insult our intelligence

Advertisers continue to insult our intelligence

The Guardian

"People" are always complaining about adverts and it's usually down to a tragic misunderstanding. There's nothing wrong with complaining about adverts, but "people" tend to complain about the wrong ones. With the release of the 2007 figures from the Advertising Standards Authority, Aerial Telly took the opportunity to take the entire advertising industry to task for the "things" they "do" that bother him. Advertisers continue to insult our intelligence


Heather Mills: what really happened

Heather Mills: what really happened

Channel 4

I know what you're thinking "Paul McCartney's a billionaire so fuck him. Fuck him in his rancid hasn't-made-a-good-record-in-decades arse. Think I give a ha'penny jizz about him getting taken for a few million? Hell nawwww papi." Ok, I see your point. But what about the salesman she married and left for a ski instructor? You must feel for him? "Fuck him" you say " He's a salesman - not one of those bitches deserves to breathe the same air as the rest of us". Jesus - you don't hold back. Right then. Won't somebody think of the children? The children, I say? "Fuck Stella in her ear along with the rest of the fashionista plankton." Hm . So we really do have a victimless crime then? What were the odds? Heather Mills: what really happened


Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock.

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock.

Go buy your girl something nice with the winnings while you still can

Aerial Telly would like to thank you for your thanks. He agrees, it is a remarkable run of betting form. More accurately, a remarkable display of betting class because, as we know, form is temporary but class is permanent. Aerial "Money" Telly has won six of the seven bets tipped on his site and the question people are asking is "which is the greatest of his victories"? Maybe it was the bold lay of market favourite Martin O'Neill in the England manager market? Perhaps his acute and devastatingly accurate analysis of Mayweather v De La Hoya? Could spotting Jose Luis Castillo's decline before the Hatton fight be his finest hour? Could his tough-minded dismissal of the Ricky Hatton hype in the run-up to the Mayweather fight be the pinnacle? But that would mean ignoring his stunning Calzaghe v Kessler preview and prediction. All this before we even mention him tipping up the bet of the year in Big Brother. The weekend saw another bets romp home - Hopkins Calzaghe went the distance with no problem whatsoever. Even whiteboys got to shout: "motherfucker got game". Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart


Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Think 1.39 is too stingy? Think on fella

OK soapscum, the wait is over. You've been bombarding Aerial Telly's inbox, hitting him up on his celly, and leaving countless messages with known associates of the boy (all of whom, incidentally, have been trained to stonewall so later for that Columbo shit). He's had to switch off his pager, disconnect his fax machine and communicate solely on his Pie Phone, the phone he uses exclusively for his interactions with the opposite sex. The number of this phone is a closely guarded secret yet even on that he's been getting calls from underwear models, actresses and dancers asking if Hopkins still has what it takes, if Joe will be too young, too hungry for the grizzled old veteran. So OK, he's giving you the rundown. Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance


Rage against the machine, Illuminati, lizards, etc

Rage against the machine, Illuminati, lizards, etc

The Guardian

There's no question that Aerial Telly's knowledge is remarkable. He is a phenomenal thinker. His flow is impetuous. You can't catch his style with bugs and phone taps. Hell, naw. Furthermore, he is not a conspiracy theorist. He recognizes such nonsense as a comfort blanket, a refuge for the feebleminded. And with Alicia Keys claiming that the government invented gangster rap he thought it appropriate to reflect upon recording artists' penchant for idiotic conspiracy theories. Rage against the machine, Illuminati, lizards, etc


The Bank Job

The Bank Job

Roger Donaldson

What the fuck has happened to Saffron Burrows? Holy mother of God. Just look at this shit. Plastic surgery has left this mope looking like she's sucking on the world sourest lemon. When you're as good looking as Saffron Burrows what possesses you to do this? At 35, you're still a piece of ass, still getting work, still getting the ridiculous unfair advantages your looks have given you your entire life. Girl, what the fuck were you thinking? And she's here, walking around The Bank Job like nothing has happened. It gives the film an air of unreality. You're wondering why no one is saying "WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE???" The Bank Job


How do you play Margaret Thatcher?

How do you play Margaret Thatcher?

The Guardian

Aerial Telly sees all history in an instant, quietly assimilating and comprehending fully all the repercussions of certain "actions" of "men" and "women". He knows all about Margaret Thatcher's reign of terror. He knows what the 1980s were all about. He is not down with 80s revivalism. He doesn't get fooled by none of that NON-sense. Here, he contemplates the decision to cast Lindsay Duncan in the role of Baroness Thatcher for a BBC2 drama and laments the decline of the recognizable political character in public life.How do you play Margaret Thatcher?


Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use the

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Listen to Nancy Reagan for once

Run a toxicology screen on Aerial Telly and it'll be cleaner than a girl guide's rap sheet. The only unusual findings in Aerial Telly's test will be the abnormally high levels of testosterone, a phenomenal immune system and, for those metaphysically inclined, the spirit of telly flowing through his veins. He says NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them. Being the living embodiment of television requires a certain purity of spirit, a steadiness of thought and a calmness of mind not helped by the ingestion of mind altering chemicals. It is this type of abstemious discipline that makes him the classy individual he is. Natasha Collins and Mark Speight


Lost Season Four Half Term report

Lost Season Four Half Term report

ABC

What you have to remember about Lost and their "people" is that they know what they are doing. They understand story, character, how to engage, how to get you identifying and empathising with their creations. The jawdropping climax to season three set up an entirely new batch of stories - flash forwards into the post island future. Although hampered by the writer's strike season four has picked up the piping hot season three ball and ran with it. They certainly do know what they are doing. It was not always thus. Aerial Telly remembers season 2. He remembers the Driveshaft flashbacks. He remembers You All Everybotties. He remembers the fuckawful religious allegory and the nonsensical spiritual ramblings of Locke, Charlie and Adebisi from Oz. He remembers all that shit. Trust. Lost Season Four Half Term report


Headcases is awful

Headcases is awful

The Guardian

Aerial Telly got around to watching ITV's much hyped CGI animated sketch show Headcases the other day. He was not impressed. No, it would be closer to the truth to say he was unimpressed and here's why.Headcases is awful


What Grange Hill taught me about life

You've been framed

The Guardian

Aerial Telly is an on-the-downlow kind of cat. You'll never catch him talking about his betting prowess even though it is large enough and formidable enough to rival his sexual and literary prowess. No, he likes to play his cards close to his chest, keep his betting activity discreet and never mention the huge stakes he plays at. Nonetheless, you can't keep genius secret forever and his phenomenal gambling knowledge is known to certain Fleet Street editors making him the go-to man when they want, say, 1000 words on casinos pegged on the release of the new Kevin Spacey film. And he obliges. Because the boy is pure class. You've been framed


E-mail of the week

A compelling argument for compulsory sterilisation of the feebleminded

Stairmasterphobe Jill Nitsche writes on the Ashes to Ashes review.

Have just finished reading your review of the first episode of Ashes to Ashes, and was frankly amazed by your sheer lack of professionalism. I realise that aerialtelly doesn't exactly specialise in reviews that could be featured in TheTimes, but I have to say, the way you brought up Keeley Hawes' private life - in particular her alleged 'home-wrecking' behaviour - was more than just a callous display of writing even The Sun wouldn't dirty its hands with; it also displayed a real sense of unnecessary cruelty. Exactly what does an actor's private life have to do with their public work, or for that fact, to do with you? You failed to make any substantial comments on the programme, instead focusing on gossip regarding the actors - I can only presume you missed the episode and tried to cover your tracks. Clearly, you failed miserably, both at writing a review that was worth reading, or even made any sense, and also of inducing people to continue to read your "articles".

Oh, and I would get yourself a better thesaurus. "Ambivalence" and "nuance" don't really sit too well with "whore". Jill Nitsche

Aerial Telly responds:

The stuff on Keeley Hawes' private life is totally relevant as her terrible performance is clearly influenced by an overdose of cock. It happens to many of our actresses and actors come to that. Stop your nonsense.

But Jill would not be defeated, ruthlessly playing the "I'm telling your mommy on you" card.

Very mature. Your parents must be so proud to have as intelligent and witty a son as you.

Jill Nitsche

Aerial Telly responds:

Aerial Telly's parents love him more than life itself and swell with pride every time they reflect that they produced the living embodiment of television.

Sometimes I really can't believe you "people".

More mailbag plankton...


The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Season 4

BBC2

Okay you disgusting slut bags. You want an Apprentice review? Motherfucker, I'm AWN the motherfucker. You wouldn't believe how busy Aerial Telly is these days. One of the reasons Aerial Telly gets more pum-pum than Beanie Man at a booty shaking contest is because his time is so very precious. He's constantly got his fingers in many pies at once and that applies to his work, his love life, his social life and his personal contribution to society. So scarcity makes the incredibly valuable Mr Telly even more valuable. But don't none of y'all worry. Aerial Telly will always be there for you. This is not a game for him. He's in this for life. Believe that. Aight den, drop that beat one time. The Apprentice Season 4


Skins Season 2

Skins Season 2

Channel 4

So what's new in season two? Tony is out of his coma, Maxxie has a stalker, the boring one gets pregnant and Sid and Cassie split up causing Cassie to tailspin into a dark night of drugs and casual sex. Illustrating this on the E4 Skins site there is a video entitled "Cassie swaps sides". Click on it and you see "Warning! This clip contains strong language and adult themes". No it doesn't, fucknut. It contains two pretty girls kissing which is the only reason anybody will be watching. Naturally, this was written because the scriptwriters wanted to see Hannah Murray, the actress who plays Cassie, walking around in her underwear, kissing girls and having casual sex so they can put it on the E4 microsite. And who can blame them? Why, Aerial Telly of course. You're scriptwriters not pornographers you filthy fuckers. Skins Season 2


What Grange Hill taught me about life

What Grange Hill taught me about life

The Guardian

Grange Hill was voted the best ever children's TV show this week by some Internet pod people. It certainly was a fine show in its time even if the uniformly shite actors stank the set out each week before going on to sting the set out on The Bill or if they were really lucky Eastenders. Anyway, Aerial Telly has had some things to say about it. What Grange Hill taught me about life


OK, Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor" I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

Resign and take your hateful rag with you

It was almost unanimously acknowledged in the legal professions that Aerial Telly had single-handedly demolished arguments that Kate McCann and the Pillsbury Doughboy had offed their daughter. After he was through, the assumption of innocence of the couple and the Pisshead 9 became the default position for all right-thinking people interested in the case. Yet still the baseless stories came. And the worst of all offenders was the Daily Express and in a marvellous case of instant (or at least express) karma the Express group has been manoeuvred into a front-page apology to the McCanns in all four of its national titles (the Daily Express, Daily Star, Sunday Express and Daily Star Sunday). They are gagging on the stiff cock of justice today and approximately £550,000 lighter in the wallet after a donation to the Madeleine McCann fund in the way of damages. But where is the accountability for their lying shitheel editor Peter Hill? OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor"


Ils (Them) review

Ils (Them)

David Moreau and Xavier Palud

This film isn't based on a true story, though it says that it is. It's strange how filmmakers feel the need to keep up such a pretense. I suppose knowing that not only could this happen but that it has happened does add a little frisson of tension to horror. Peter Weir's brilliant adaptation of Joan Lindsay's Picnic at Hanging Rock strongly implied that the events were real (they weren't) and The Blair Witch Project managed to fool many into believing that it really was the hastily spliced-together recovered footage of three annoying and now missing-presumed-dead studes. (You'd have to be pretty dimwitted to believe that though. It's a fucking student stalking witch for Christ's sake. Durrrr.). What Blair Witch and Picnic had in common was that they were both brilliant films that didn't really need the true life tag and to a large degree that's also true of Ils (Them), the critically acclaimed French horror from 2006. Ils (Them).


2 Days In Paris review

2 Days In Paris

Julie Delpy

Love is hell. This doesn't come as news to Aerial Telly readers, accustomed as they are to having the honey of their dreams snatched from under their noses by the mysterious dark stranger who simply says "call me James" to which said honey typically responds "and you call me a cab, handsome1 - you're coming home with me". And Franco-American actress Julie Delpy explores this profound truth in her directorial debut 2 Days In Paris - a sparky romantic comedy set in the city of love with two lovers seeing if they can find each other and themselves among the trips to the Louvre, revolting farmers markets and unfriendly natives. Hasn't everyone had a weekend like that? 2 Days In Paris.


Christianity should give Judas and Pilate a break

Christianity should give Judas and Pilate a break

The Guardian

Aerial Telly is well versed in theology. He is equally comfortable with Aquinas, Kierkegaard and Tillich. His complex atheist spirituality is frequently misunderstood but this is not surprising. What is surprising is that he is not asked more often to comment on religious issues. Seriously, like they are going to get anybody better? Christianity should give Judas and Pilate a break


The Wire Series Finale review

The Wire Series Finale

HBO

(SPOILERS: Yeah, that's right bitches - of course there's spoilers. What the fuck? Are you people getting dumber or just louder? Stop running around the Internet looking for ways to get offended. You don't run through a minefield then complain when you get blown up. Idiots.)

Some say it's the greatest TV show ever made. Most of y'all haven't seen it. And now it's gone. The Wire Series Finale airs on Monday night (March 10) and it's one of the most significant milestones in television history. This show is that good. It will influence TV writers for generations to come. It will be a set text for any writer or producer who seeks to push the boundaries of what TV can achieve, what TV can be. Emotionally, intellectually, dramatically it's as complete a work as you can imagine. People will be watching the show for years to come and unlike The Sopranos, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Deadwood they didn't disappoint with the finale.

The Wire Series Finale.


David Attenborough: a fine specimen

David Attenborough: a fine specimen

The Guardian

Aerial Telly wrote a thing about David Attenborough on the occasion the conclusion of his final major TV work. David Attenborough: a fine specimen


Joss Stone, Cadbury's Flake advert

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

The Media

We all like to think that Joss Stone enjoys sucking cock. She is a sexually attractive young woman and the thought of her enjoying sucking cock is a pleasant one. For one thing, it will stop the yampy twunt talking for a while, get her mind off herself and her so-called alleged "problems" and get it back onto what she was put on this earth to do - give pleasure to men. For Joss Stone is not a girl's girl. Now, I'm sure there were some female "friends" included in her insane suicide note/thank you sleeve notes but we all know she'd drop them in a heartbeat for the right boy (or, indeed, the wrong boy). So yes, Joss Stone was put on this earth to suck cock. Which makes her the perfect candidate to be the Cadbury's Flake girl. Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert...


God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

BBC News coverage

It was announced on Wednesday or whenever that Prince Harry, third in line to the throne after his "father" and brother, had spent the previous 10 weeks on the front line in Afghanistan fighting with Her Majesty's armed forces. This news arrived from nowhere and seemed to effortlessly suck in time, journalists and other news resources to the point where you wondered if they were going to bother to cover anything else that day. Aerial Telly is not hating on Harry because he is ginger. Hell naw, papi. He's not even hating on him because he is royal - you can't choose your relatives after all. He just thought other news might have got a look in on this particular day. Baby rapists torturing children to death in underground dungeons in our children's homes might argue for the top spot? He's not saying he wants to read about baby rapists torturing children in underground dungeons but he does feel it is important to keep a sense of perspective as to what is news in the world and what isn't. God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince...


When celebrity love goes wrong

When celebrity love goes wrong

The Guardian


Aerial Telly selflessly gives of himself, his time and his advice in the arena of interpersonal relationships. There's very few people breathing who haven't benefited directly or indirectly from his wisdom. He's at it again today advising people to stay away from musicians as life partners or borefriends.
When celebrity love goes wrong


In This Corner with Russ Anberl review

In This Corner with Russ Anber

TSN

What does any of us really know about Canada except that it's cold, there's a certain amount of French speaking going on there and that they say 'eh' after every sentence? Well, we know that it's going through a boxing renaissance at the moment with an unprecedented four world champions and guess what? A couple of them can actually box. Further to this, the moosefuckers produce the best 30 minute weekly boxing magazine you can find. For just over three years now, coach Russ Anber and presenter Darren Dutchyshen have been putting out In This Corner and the show seems stronger than ever. In This Corner ...


E-mail of the week

No-one can answer me: why?

Eva Shamoon wrote with a query about the Nigella review

why dont you like nigela ? regards   eva

Regards,
Evati55
Perth, Western Australia,

 

Aerial Telly responds:

Nigella seems a nice enough lass, Eva, but the chat show blows like a hurricane.  And she looks mental.

Regards

Aerial Telly.

Eva persists.

thank you for your reply, i live in australia i was born in iraq, do you know charles saachis email? i would love to email him and catch up with our back ground. thank you  so much, regards eva,

Well, as Don Logan once said "I'm here for you, Gal..."

Aerial Telly responds:

Your best bet is to try http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk and look for a contact address there.  If you get in touch, say hi from Aerial Telly - me and Charles used to hang together back in the day.

Cheers

Aerial Telly

I will update, of course, on any developments.

More mailbag filth...


When television plays politics

When television plays politics

The Guardian

There have been many fine portrayals of politicians in the medium of television. Some have been based on real life politicians. Here's how.
The Hard Sell: Knockoff Nigel


So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

What the HELL is going on?

You've seen it yet still refuse to believe it. What is that flawless vision of beauty doing with that swarthy reptilian? All you can think about is his ginger balls bouncing off her forehead. I know what you're thinking: she's had more balls bounce off her head than Kevin Keegan -- why should this bother me so much? You can accept that she avoided you to be with a high status male like Aerial Telly. That is the way of the universe. Aerial Telly is like a metal rod with a huge positive charge. Honies can no more resist being attracted to him than water can resist flowing to the ocean. But this is an apparently lower status male getting all the benefits of premium pie. You read the books telling you to act like a man. You listened to Aerial Telly when he helpfully broke down all your fuck ups. What the HELL is going on? So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

Contact Aerial Telly


UKNova - We supply the latest stuff! The UK's premier TV download site

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but...

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Skins

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite

 

LINKS

Justin Quirk's England for the English

TV Ark

Blake's 7 guide

CultTv International

The Custard

House M.D. guide

Kung Fu guide

Ryan's British TV Show Reviews