ITV Alec is dreaming about drowning, coughing and crying like a little bitch. I expect he’ll be dead soon. Stupid shit dead Alec. He phones his doc to tell them about his condition worsening. I give him a week. Right in the middle of his crisis, Olly walks in and asks him penetrating questions about... Read More

ITV Alec chases the papers of Lee and Claire up-and-down the streets with the desperate futility that has become his trademark. Exasperated, he turns to berate Smellie. “What’s the point of you, Miller?” I think we’ve all asked that at some point, to be fair. They argue bitterly over who is Britain’s Shittest Cop and... Read More

ITV As we join him, Alec lectures a roomful of police cadets with all the inspirational fire of Michael Owen addressing his fan club in his yearly email round robin. His boss tells him to stop being such a gonk and get with the program, specifically the program of getting through a lecture without any... Read More

ITV Broadchurch is back! Wooooooo!! There ain’t no party like Broadchurch party. Not that you’d know it looking at this mob – freshly demoted Smellie’s walking around with a face like a slapped arse giving speeding tickets to the terminally ill and telling her shrink about her hammer murder fantasies. And Alec’s popping pills like... Read More