ITV
Sean has been doing his stupid dick walk for weeks now and we’re still no closer to finding out who killed Stephen Eli. Sean steals Leontard‘s shitty personal effects from hospital as Doctor Liberal whines like a stuck pig. No one’s murdered her yet but it’s only a matter of time. It looks like Stephen was a mental being treated at the Mayside Clinic ran by Spider from Corrie. The other victims passed through there too. I think there might be connection of some sort?
The case is getting to Stephen’s son Cole who punches an innocent bus wanker in the tits. According to him he could have the shitty bipolar gene as well. Genetic trash bastard. “I guess no one wants a mad lawyer do they?” he reflects. No…. unless they’re crazy for JUSTICE.¹
The case is getting to Stephen’s son Cole who punches an innocent bus wanker in the tits.
Sean and Ruth are definitely that, particularly when they discover that evil hack Alex Wornley was putting his cock in Doctor Liberal who let him visit Leontard in contravention of like a gazillion regulations. Looks like Wornley has got some ‘splaining to do. Ruth plays the world’s least alluring honey trap and somehow Alex walks right into it. It’s a good job he never actually killed any of the loonies because he’d make a shit job of evading capture.
In the end we discover that the killer is Tommy Purdie, menial mental health worker. He got touched up in care by employees of the BBC and now correctly blames Doctor Liberal and her ilk for early-releasing paedos early to fuck more babies. He takes her to a landfill to kill her but unfortunately The Keystone Plops get there just in time to save her.
Tommy isn’t giving up Stephen Eli’s resting place but after rummaging through Leontard’s shitty art therapy paintings Sean locates the very spot. They find Stephen’s body and get this: he’s dead. Like a cunt. Sean pockets the gold tooth. “You can’t trust blacks or liberals” he mutters and few would argue with that. Ruth goes to tell Cole who cries like a little bitch. Effing Cole.
As we finish shitty housekeeper’s shitty daughter tells shitty Sean that her shitty mother has gone missing. Apparently she was called Adull.
That would actually be quite interesting set up for a non-existent second series. The show was pretty much fucked once it settled on Aspie Sean as its focus. Three different versions of The Bridge already exist – all very accomplished in their own ways – and to watch a lackbrain imitation of a shit Saga Noren was always going to try the patience.
And now we’ll never know what happened to Adull. Effing life, man.
The verdict: Sean asunder.
Marks out of 10: 5
¹ Fuck you.
