ITV
I don’t really know what the Crawleys expected. Invite a filthy communist into your stately home and you reap the whirlwind. Red Sarah runs her mouth at dinner again and she’s really done it this time. Accusing Robert of not knowing what’s-her-face’s name – the very idea. Thingy is as much a part of the fabric of Clownton as the dead Turk, barbecued cousin Patrick and Roadkill Matthew. Fat Bob storms out of dinner appalled at the writers repeating the exact same scene from the other week. He’s got a point.
Over in Little Kiev Prince Kuragin laments the Russian Revolution and his loss of thousands of acres. “I’ve got 2 achers for you right here” says Violet as she squeezes his balls until he winces. Proper dirty bitch. Later she tells Isobel all about her steamy past with the prince. Is it me or did it just get hot in here? “We were doing a bit of fookin’!” she says channelling Bo Selecta‘s Mel B character. The air is thick with the musky smell of quietly baking vaginas with a combined age of 302.
The air is thick with the musky smell of quietly baking vaginas with a combined age of 302.
The stench carries over to Lord Merton who is transfixed like a Bisto kid and he immediately asks for Isobel’s quim in marriage. She’ll think long and hard about it before telling him to go fuck himself and Merton takes that as a magnificent victory. Seal was right – it’s the loneliness that’s the killer.
Also lonely and horny is Lord Withnail, still sniffing around Cora‘s skirts. He wants to paint her like one of his French girls which as it turns out means a lot of cream ivory splashed around the face. That’s getting under Robert’s skin as well. It’s fuck with Lord Crawley day and evvvverybody’s celebrating.
Mary finds a gap in her boning schedule to visit London to friendzone Pony Gillingham who doesn’t seem to take it that well. In fact he doesn’t take it at all and his blank denial of his dumping seems to mean that they’re still dating. Mary really is shit.
Hot Rose‘s father Shrimpie (Peter Egan) rolls up and to tell her that he and his mother are getting a divorce. Rose explains that she’s learnt the hard lesson. She knows not to settle in marriage. She won’t take just any man – mainly because she’s addicted to black cock but the principle is sound.
In other news Gay Tom‘s on the smack and Gregson got his skull caved in after running his mouth to some Brownshirts in Munich. Fucking Gregson. Always on the wrong side of history.
The verdict: Whatever happened to dear old Lenin? when we were friends before
Marks out of 10: 7.5
