Channel 4
Why after all that 70s revivalism last night it’s something of a relief to get back to the present day, a place where you know where you stand. In Jessica‘s case that’s being tortured up in Casa Milner for 5 months by Network mopes looking to find out the adjustment her father made to Anus. She has stayed resolute throughout her lengthy interrogations unlike that spineless maggot Mos Def who lasted three-tenths of a second with a straw up his nose. Shawty’s taken her lumps alright. She’s got a back like Jack Bauer after the Chinese were done with him and a forearm like Richey Edwards after Stephen Lamacq says to him “listen to me you bony fuck: if I gave you this razor blade you wouldn’t even know what to do with it”.
She’s also got herself a new interrogator. Mister Headfuck‘s the name and building empathy’s the game. It’s a give-a-little to get-a-little relationship. Jessica opens up to him, he grants a request for a Bible. She gives him a quick flash of her immaculate clavicles, he gives her a room with a window like Hannibal Lecter. She electrocutes him with a wet towel applied to his taser then hangs him with a noose made from compressed pages from Deuteronomy, he dies like a cunt. Is this really the best our evil overlords can do? God help us if the Germans try again.
Meanwhile in suburbia Dead Lee has done a Lazarus and he looks up Arby, now cohabiting with Screen Wipe’s Philomena Cunk, to persuade him back into The Network. For old times’ sake he rolls by to that ginger gash Milner’s place with Lee and it’s a touch awkward when Wilson is in the room with his erstwhile torturers. Arby agrees to take out scientist Christian Donaldson for Stuff That He Knows. Knowledge is power and The Network? Not big on power-sharing.
She has stayed resolute throughout her lengthy interrogations unlike that spineless maggot Mos Def who lasted three-tenths of a second with a straw up his nose.
But here’s something they don’t know. Arby isn’t down with their plan at all. He saves Ian, Grant, Becky, Donaldson and some other cocksmoker called Anton by doing the shooting to The Network’s troops. Arby tells them they all need to run. He’s right about that. See how they run. As if a firecracker were up their collective arse.
Over among the well-meaning architects of the holocaust Mariella Frostrup wants to make Africa sterile with the Russian flu vaccine. Jeff the Health Secretary can make it so. In real life of course idiot hippy anti-vaccine savagery murders children but this is a drama which is under no obligation to reflect real life. If it did all that stuff about Bible pages making a sturdy noose would be problematic.
But how about that Jessica Hyde broad? I’ll tell you how about her. Just like Hannibal she’s got the spring from the pen with which she will spring herself from the pen. You have to admit, she’s pretty badass. I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope she successfully protects her Anus. Failure is not an option.
The verdict: For they sow the wind, and they reap the whirlwind. The standing grain has no heads; it shall yield no flour; if it were to yield, strangers would devour it. (Hosea 8:7)
Marks out of 10: 7.5
