BBC Two
That The Trip to Italy would feature a Godfather II dream sequence was as inevitable as a fight between Borey Stinks and Cornholeius Bumrage featuring 4/5ths holding and 1/5th backpedalling. Based on the young Vito Corleone’s revenge sojourn to Sicily Steve plays Don Ciccio with Rob playing Corleone. Rob slices Steve’s guts open, an action that almost certainly expresses no unconscious desire on his part. In the real world Steve’s son Joe and assistant Emma join them in Naples and their first port of call is the Fontanelle Cemetery . Masses of bones stick out everywhere looking like victims of the Khmer Rouge or a party round at Alexa Chung’s.
Il Riccio, Capri is the final chow shack of the series and boy is it good? I don’t know I’ve never eaten there but the freeloading slime here certainly seem to enjoy it. The flame-grilled octopus and linguine go down a treat. They later devour a turbot and he doesn’t look too happy about it.
Masses of bones stick out everywhere looking like victims of the Khmer Rouge or a party round at Alexa Chung’s.
It’s a good time for Steve to bond with his son. He’s moving closer to Joe’s home and Rob is moving closer to Lucy‘s vagina. The big question looms like the shadow of Paula Yates’s decision to abandon her marriage to suck smackhead cock looms over the Geldof family: Should he abandon his wife and child for this Sloaney piece of pie? Of course he should but he has to go through the motions of asking and it’s Emma who has the honour of being its recipient. She ducks it like Floyd Mayweather ducking every conceivable challenge of consequence since 2005 and it probably doesn’t help his case that he asked her in character as Hugh Grant.
Rob will go on to star in a Hollywood film, leave his wife and his daughter will be in rehab by the time she’s 19. She’ll probably end up fucking Joe. In their mid-20s they will both be Buddhist and rich and wiser for the experience. One or both of them will end up working at the BBC. And so the cycle continues.
The verdict: Enjoy this trip. And it is a trip.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
