RTÉ One/BBC4
Let’s explore Amber further shall we? This episode is from piss poor journalist Maeve‘s perspective and we discover early on her love for talking to prison weirdos about little girls. That ratty scrote O’Donoghue was in the general area when Amber disappeared and is currently doing time for driving offences after one pissed drag ride home too many. In Mountjoy Prison like Brendan Behan before him, he knows about Amber’s sea garden painting and as that shit was never released to the papers his paedo rating shoots through the roof. “Daughters of the air” he says cryptically – a line from the painting and a reference to the mermaid myth. Yeah, we get it son – you fuck kids. Hooray for you. How about we stick you in gen pop with that reputation?
Although she is nursing a bruised noggin after Sarah socked her in the jaw Maeve still considers her a friend. And like the great friend she is she breaks into Sarah’s home using the spare key she was given some time ago, brutally violating her living space and privacy and confirms that O’Donoghue’s mermaid wank fantasies are on point. He wants €10,000 to reveal where she kept her bras and despite herself Maeve is intrigued.
She cons her way into his mammy’s house and starts chatting about this, that and, yes, the other. Being the world’s worst journalist she’s soon rumbled by the mother who tells to GTFO. Maeve thinks she knows more than she’s letting on. We look forward to the day when Maeve knows more than she’s letting on, or indeed anything at all.
One thing she does know is the four inches of Mick dick Declan Conlon is ineptly sticking to her three times a month. It’s a secret that Must Be Kept despite no one past, present or future giving a rat’s ass whether these two live or die much less of the heaving mass of despair and two-bears-with-asthma rutting that constitutes their sex life. But yeah, let’s manufacture some tension out of that nonevent. *slow handclap*
One thing she does know is the four inches of Mick dick Declan Conlon is ineptly sticking to her three times a month.
Back at the Daily Potato her editor wants to do a supplement on Ireland’s Missing Persons with Amber as the focus. It turns out that O’Donoghue did give a chick a lift home alright – two years before Amber vanished, one who looks quite a bit like Amber, but wasnae her. He crashed his car rather than having to listen to her shit then stuck her still-twitching corpse in a shallow grave. He stranglewanks himself to death in prison thinking about it so I think it’s safe to say we won’t be hearing any more from him.
Meanwhile Ben has found online chats between Amber someone called Manga_Boy24 – a red hair dyed Studio Ghibli looking fuck the day of her disappearance. Just imagine the tales he could tell! Or, you know, don’t.
The verdict: I lost her to a student chap with a skin as black as coal. When he took her off to Birmingham, she took away my soul.
Marks out of 10: 8
