Channel 4
It’s been an entire week since a senseless, cruel but engagingly comic death on our screens and Utopia quickly rights that wrong. Dead Lee visits Ian‘s boss, cuts his throat, watches him turkey lurch around the office for a while then brains him with a fire extinguisher. On the subject of that tongue stapling fuck Ian: he, Grant, Becky, Arby and associates track down a nausey young computer bore Ben. Knackers, meet hacker. Under their guidance he discovers The Network’s evil plan to break out weaponised Russian flu – not a fake outbreak this time – and sterilise the world, like a left-field Bob Geldof, a man whose family regularly do their own bit for population control. Prune here, prune there – every little helps.
That Ginger Gash sends Lee out with Wilson to retrieve Ian and the gang in an odd couple buddy bond forms there quick as you like. It gives Ginger Gash time to reflect on her months in Jessica‘s cuntpany. It just hasn’t worked out and she reluctantly agrees to let the medics slap her in the tits, gut her like a pig and leave her to bleed out hacking into her brain as they go.
But Jessica being Jessica she escapes from her gurney and takes the surgeon on a journey. He quite literally piggybacks her out of the facility. Jessica wrapped around his body like an insane succubus is the best sex he’s had in years. It’s also the last as a lethal dose of sedative quickly follows. Later she visits Dugdale in some kind of twisted Lizzie Borden cosplay and tells him they need to talk. He wants to go to there.
Later she visits Dugdale in some kind of twisted Lizzie Borden cosplay and tells him they need to talk. He wants to go to there.
In the Corridors of Cower that science broad who has a squid boner for Dugdale has discovered Anus hidden in the vaccine. “It’s an unusual protein” she says. “I’ll say!” bellows Dugdale uneasily before throwing her under the bus and into the arms of The Network. She is deader than a girlfriend of Oscar Pistorius who was just said “Fuck off! It’s Valentine’s today? I literally had no idea. Only fags celebrate that anyway – you got any smokes, Stumpy?”
But more exciting developments beckon among the fugitives. That Anton cocksmoker sketches berserk comicy doodles and equations like his name was Dead Philip Carvel author of the Utopia manuscripts. To be fair that’s because HE IS Philip Carvel author of the Utopia manuscripts and this revelation throws Ian into a weird headspace. Having already being fitted up for his boss’s death he’s got 99 problems and guess what? A bitch is one.
Because while he’d still quite like to put his cock in Becky he doesn’t trust her one bit and with good reason – she’s Welsh. And all that background with Donaldson putting his cock in her and conspiring with her to betray them all. That’s an issue too. She wants to keep the Philip stuff between the two of them but Ian spills the news to Milner who so badly wants to ride the flea bitten old twat one more time she vows to find him and bring him in.
In other news VD Day is announced. God bless Great Britain. Saving the planet one knackered ballbag at a time.
The verdict: Let them know it’s Christmas time. When it’s December 25th I mean. It’s just a dick move otherwise.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
