BBC Two
The Americans tried to make her a martyr but it takes more than a direct bomb blast to her vagina to slow down Nessa. She may have raggedy clothes and a face like Al Jolson but she’s still standing, albeit gingerly and in the same shitbox she was held prisoner all those years ago. While on a nostalgia tinged tour of the premises she runs into Hasbeen and boy is it good to see him again? “Hey kid” she tells him “Get a load of this: I’m totes your mother and the woman you think is your mother just killed my brother AND tried to kill me. Never trust a bitch, Hasbeen. They trifling, basically.” The guards come and put a stop to her disgusting Jewtalk and not before time.
Of course the world still thinks Nessa is deader than a girlfriend of Oscar Pistorius who’s just said “Hey Stumpy! I just put itching powder in your fake leg sockets. I’d like to see your response to that!” US Secretary of State, Tippi Hagen says YES to Palestine getting full statehood and the world is absolutely a safer place. Unless you’re a Jew of course.
Tippi Hagen says YES to Palestine getting full statehood and the world is absolutely a safer place. Unless you’re a Jew of course.
Monica Chatshit is very pleased she killed Nessa for the annihilation of Israel lasting peace. She’ll be head of MI5 for sure now! The problem is that Nessa is as shit a martyr as she is a parent and that’s considerably. The Jews insist that Julia intervenes and you know what that means. Cat Power Middle East montage! Hugo Agogo strongarms Atika into visiting Nessa with the intention of a swift extraction. Atika tells her good pal she set her up in Gaza and knew Hasbeen would be abducted. Nessa just wants to know why.
I’ll tell you why. Atika lost all her family at 12 to one of Nessa’s father’s bombs and the crazy Durka thinks that makes it all OK. She then wheels her in front of Bacon Face’s dad who tells her how he ordered his son to rape her, killed her pops and bro. She’s had better conversations but in the end agrees she kind of deserved it all because, um, you know. He agrees to let her go because: Palestine – fuck yeah! Atika and he have a domestic which ends up with her stabbed and him dead. It’s an opportune time for her to GTFO.
There follows a desert set-to where American assassin Robert Hardy out to plug Nessa and Hasbeen gets plugged by Atika who in turn gets plugged by Hardy. Hugo Agogo wipes up the mess with a drone strike leaving Nessa and Hasbeen free to walk to the Israeli border. She starts telling them the aliens in the Middle East joke and they tell her to fuck off.
So all that’s left is for Monica Chatshit to snuff herself via autoerotic asphyxiation with the help of some passing American military spooks and Hugo is free to fuck that old broad he was strung out on. I’ve thought about little else since this started.
The verdict: Your drone’s got a little machine.
Marks out of 10: 7
