AMC

It’s a hectic week for Dyson Fury, vacuum emporium proprietor and identity makeover consultant. He’s fixing Saul up with a new life as Craven Moorehead in Omaha, Nebraska and his other client Walter White, America’s Most Wanted, is an altogether bigger undertaking. This is the Book of Kells of new identities – blind men in the bazaars of Marrakesh are calling out his name. As they bunk together Saul watches Walt draw up a wish list of hitmen including Leon, Nikita and Tom Cruise in Collateral. Saul tells him Skyler is fucked despite his phone call mea culpa and that the only way to secure any kind of life for his family is to stay and face the music. Walt wants Saul with him on his new journey but Saul walks anyway. He may have been his most lucrative client ever but the overheads? Punitive. Later, Walt crawls out of the bottom of a propane tank in New Hampshire. It’s a shitbox cabin out in the frozen wastes but it’s home.

Walter White, America’s Most Wanted, is an altogether bigger undertaking. This is the Book of Kells of new identities – blind men in the bazaars of Marrakesh are calling out his name.

Back at the ranch The Nazis watch Jesse‘s confession. Uncle Jack asks “does this pussy cry through the entire thing?” and everyone laughs. They’re just getting to the good part – the bit where “that dopey dead eyed piece of shit Todd” kills Drew Sharp. This is serious. They don’t give a fuck about the kid obviously – fuck that tarantula collecting wiseass. Jesse ratted Todd out and Jack wants to kill him. Todd persuades Jack of the financial benefits of keeping Jesse alive as their meth slave. Jack lets it slide. Jesse survives and in his torture pit he uses the paperclip around the photo of Andrea and Brock to begin picking the lock on his handcuffs. You go Jesse! Yeah, BITCH!

Back at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, Skyler runs into a few night-time visitors standing over baby Holly. Say, is that Todd with a couple of Nazi goons? They are all balaclava’d up but yes I believe it is. Keep quiet about Lydia is his message. “You really don’t want us coming back” he says. She’s inclined to agree.

Todd follows up with a tea date with Lydia. The silencing of the Skyler, which Lydia requested, went well he tells her but Lydia was hoping for a more final solution. She wants to take a break from the meth business but Todd tells her that the purity of the product is now 92%. She’s impressed. “I really badly want to put my cock in you. We work well together” he tells her. She’ll stick with it for now.

At House Heil Jesse makes good his escape. Trouble is it’s not quite good enough and the storm troopers catch up with him as he makes a really shitty attempt to scale the fence. They drive him round to his ex’s and Todd kills Andrea in front of him. “Remember” says Uncle Jack “there’s still the kid”. Yeah, I think he got the message. Jesse looks like Job on a bad day.

At House Heil Jesse makes good his escape. Trouble is it’s not quite good enough and the storm troopers catch up with him as he makes a really shitty attempt to scale the fence.

A month passes and Dyson visits Walt with some supplies including some chemo. Walt pays him $10,000 to stay another hour. He’s just that lonely. “$50,000 will get you a blowjob” says Dyson hopefully. Walt takes a pass. He does find time to contact Junior from a bar to tell him he’s sending him a package of money, $100,000 or thereabouts, through one of his friends. “Just die” is Junior’s response. “I’ll get right on it” says Walt and hangs up. His next phone call is to the DEA. He’s done running. Just one last shot of Dimple Pinch before he surrenders and it’s all over.

The barkeeper channel hops annoyingly and Walt asks him to go back a few clicks. It’s Gretchen and Elliot Schwartz talking about their charity foundation for drug abuse treatment centres across the South West. It’s really to rid themselves of the unholy stench having Walter White as a co-founder creates. That bum had nothing to do with growing the company Elliott assures the watching shitbirds. Gretchen goes further: he’s finished. He’s not out there. Heisenberg is done. That cocksucker.

New resolve grows on Walt’s face. All of a sudden it’s “Fuck the DEA, Fuck the CIA, Fuck Tipper Gore, Bush and his cripple bitch“. By the time 5-0 arrive he’s GAWN. It ends next week, an all-time great. Dread and sorrow are all we know.

The verdict: Look at what you could have won

Marks out of 10: 9.5