BBC1
As In the Club mercifully screeches to a halt we find Child Bride throwing a surprise birthday party for Nausey Roanna who looks great for 79. Father of Child Bride bungs 70s perfume Charlie by Revlon at her. “Hey” he says “Remember when I used to put my cock in you when you wore that?” Roanna would answer but Stage VII dementia means she sees him as a stick of broccoli singing the Munch Bunch theme tune. Is there anyone in this family she hasn’t fucked?
In courtroom news world’s worst bank robber Rick is up before the beak. He gets 10 months, a laughably light sentence. At least he won’t have to worry about being raped in prison, not with an arse-face combo like his. Better news comes from the hospital as Rick’s useless spawn Baby Dope is well enough to go home but she’ll probably be a moron for the rest of her life. Nothing to do with the oxygen deprivation – just her genetics. And the environment. Diane couldn’t give a rat’s ass about that pair of losers and goes to the party anyway. Spring Break!! Wooooooooo!!
Baby Dope will probably be a moron for the rest of her life. Nothing to do with the oxygen deprivation – just her genetics.
Everyone is disgusted that Dr Bellendam thinks he can do better than Vicky (which he clearly can). She fakes a bout of appendicitis to win him back and he falls for it. After she pops the baby out he promises he’ll marry her once he gets a divorce from his non-existent Gambian wife. Bumbling and dissembling like a shit Hugh Grant he’s at least as big a twat as her. Television’s least convincing couple since the last time a posho banged a nurse looks likely to be joining us in the non-existent second series.
Let the pregnancy blogosphere record that Father of Ginger Spawn is putting his cock in Ginger Jailbait without a johnny again which is just what the world needs. They move into Casa Lesbian and Susie is just delighted about that development. She dumps Jen round at Spunk Donor‘s in a fit of lesbian rage and then cries with shame at having to house a clan of defective gingers.
But it’s Div who’s the real fuck-up of the finale. The cuckold guardian of white baby Bastard becomes star of a viral YouTube video Terrorist Tries to Bake White Baby in SUV. It’s an opportunity for Jasmin to be annoying and from the North of England, the two things in life she excels at. Child protection come a-calling but they’re just wasting their frigging time. This baby is fucked and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Much like this series.
The verdict: Club Med(iocre)
Marks out of 10: 5
