BBC2

Previously on Peaky Blinders: Birmingham isn’t just there for the nasty things in life like Black Sabbath, Islamist terrorist cells and brutalist architecture. It’s there for the nice things too like protection rackets, communist agitators and post-war illegal gambling. Two gentlemen of Ireland approach Tommoi in The Garrison for a sitdown. “It takes a lot for a man from Sparkbrook to step inside here” says one. It takes a lot for a man from Sparkbrook to step anywhere. The Irishmen have heard things – things about guns. Being representatives of the Irish Republican Army they have a natural interest in such tales of illegally acquired guns – would Tommoi know anything about that, to be sure? Tommoi stonewalls and it pisses one of the Micks right off. He sings the first verse and chorus of The Boys of the Old Brigade as his pal drags him out. He sings because he’s Irish just like Secret Agent Grace who eavesdrops. The Irish: is there anything they won’t stoop to?

Birmingham isn’t just there for the nasty things in life like Black Sabbath, Islamist terrorist cells and brutalist architecture

Freddie and Ada meanwhile get married and this puts Tommoi in an awkward situation. Getting Freddie out of Birmingham was part of the deal with Campbell. Aunt Polly tells the couple to get the fuck to New York with a £200 sweetener. It doesn’t appeal. Campballs gets a message to Tommoi – turn in Freddie or Ada gets charged as an accomplice. In a gunpoint set-to Tommoi and Freddie fail to reach accord. Freddie loves Ada and Tommoi loves not being rogered by Campballs. “This marriage will not stand” he says and nor will he if he takes another buttfucking from the Orangeman.

“This marriage will not stand” he says and nor will he if he takes another buttfucking from the Orangeman.

Tommoi also has to placate his brother Arthur – spazzed out by the war (who isn’t?) and feeling left out in the cold because Tommoi keeps making deals behind his back. He’s got a point. Tommoi is contrite and points out to his bro that “it’s us that has the machine guns now and it’s them that’s in the mud”. Yeah that’s right – reference the war. That always goes down well with the shellshocked. To make up for the bullets, bombs and betrayal Tommoi buys him The Garrison which at last puts something resembling a smile on the miserable old Nose’s face.

To make up for the bullets, bombs and betrayal Tommoi buys him The Garrison which at last puts something resembling a smile on the miserable old Nose’s face.

It’s been a while since someone got killed so Grace braves the slums of Sparkbrook where Citizen Khan will one day make his home. She follows Taig O’Driscoll from earlier and when he makes her from The Garrison he pulls a gun and they struggle. It goes off – O’Driscoll is dead. Grace may be the worst pub singer since Vic Reeves but she’s dropping Fenians like Michael Stone. No wonder she’s so keen to take up Tommoi’s offer of a trip to Cheltenham races – plenty of free Irishmen to murder there.

O’Driscoll is dead. Grace may be the worst pub singer since Vic Reeves but she’s dropping Fenians like Michael Stone.

What she probably doesn’t realise is that she’s primarily there as bait for Billy Kimber. He likes Grace – who wouldn’t? She’s a sexually attractive woman even if she has made things a lot worse for Tommoi by offing the IRA man in Sparkbrook. PTSD Danny brings a message from London that the IRA think it’s the Peaky Blinders who killed O’Driscoll. This news is as bad as one of the opium fuelled war nightmares that plague Tom’s twilight hours.

Still it’s off to the races he goes with Grace looking ravishing in a red dress – hey I hope nobody ravishes her because Grace doesn’t get down like that. Also off to Cheltenham is a newly buoyant Arthur, gathering the Shelby clan to brief them of their mission: Kimber’s security is looking the other way as the Lees duff up the racecourse bookies. The Shelbys will show Billy Kimber how an organisation that rules by violence, fear and intimidation SHOULD behave. By way of demonstration he chops half a gypsy ear off in the bogs. It’s crude but effective.

Kimber dances with Grace who spends much of the foxtrot avoiding his raddled old boner straining against the fabric of his demob suit.

But it’s among the privilege and power of the racecourse ballroom that the real business is being done. Tommoi tells Kimber he wants 5 percent of the take and some legal betting pitches in the North and in return he’ll sort out the Lee menace. Kimber leaves the details of the deal to be sorted out by his accountant while he dances with Grace who spends much of the foxtrot avoiding his raddled old boner straining against the fabric of his demob suit.

Grace swoons as Tommoi drives her away, both his deal with Kimber and Grace’s hymen still intact. It all works at so fabulously like a frigging episode of Entourage.

It all ends in dinner date round at Billy Kimber’s place. Tommoi slips Grace an extra £3 for what will only be 2 hours in his company as Kimber is very confident he can nail her. When his legendary charm doesn’t work he resorts to his failsafe rape method™ he picked up from King Edward on The White Queen and all of a sudden that £3 is no longer looking like easy money. But before Kimber can seal his rapey deal Tommoi bursts in and tells him she’s a whore with syphilis and that he’d probably best not go there.

It’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for Grace and she swoons as Tommoi drives her away, both his deal with Kimber and Grace’s hymen still intact. It all works out so fabulously like a frigging episode of Entourage.

The verdict: With me whack fol the do, Fol de diddlely idle ay.

Marks out of 10: 7