BBC2

In last week’s Peaky Blinders we discovered how many of the inhabitants of 1919 Birmingham believed themselves to be Scousers and spoke accordingly so do one, soft lad. After his eventful introduction to the city Captain Cuntface (Sam Neill) wants to meet Tommy at the Lickey Tea Rooms and why wouldn’t he? It’s a lovely little place. Tommy though has other priorities. He and his brothers meet up with the gypsy Lee family to quite literally do some horsetrading. Once he’s purchased the nag he starts getting salty with them and it seems like there’s history there. The gypsies respond by calling his mother a hooer and in an instant it’s on. The Shelby boys pile in with fists and boots and the slashing of razor caps. The Lees are no match for their Small Heath fury and they crumble in a shitheap on the ground. Oh they won’t forget that in a hurry. It’s war between them. Tommoi, woi must yow always gow to war? Is it because of whar ‘appened in the war?

It’s war between them. Tommoi ,woi must yow always gow to war? Is it because of whar ‘appened in the war?

Yeah, good chance. Before his tea meeting with Tommy, Chief Inspector Campbell starts work on the second head of his three headed beast and begins rounding up the pinkos. Freddie is just done slipping Ada a length as they arrive and while they both escape before the rozzers enter it’s clear that it’s no longer safe for Freddie here so he’s Audi 5000 while Ada gets sanctuary from a neighbour.

Early morning copper interruptus is the least of Ada’s problems – homegirl’s pregnant. “Freddie fucking Thorn!” she shouts when the family asks her “oose is it loike?” Way to protect your boy Ada. Tommy sees no life for Ada with a man on the run and you know the Shelbys – very pro-life.

Early morning copper interruptus is the least of Ada’s problems – homegirl’s pregnant. “Freddie fucking Thorn!” she shouts when the family asks her “oose is it loike?”

Pro-monarchy too and to demonstrate this they start a bonfire of portraits of the King. Tommy tells a dopey local journalist it is a symbolic act of Kinglove agin Chief Inspector Campballs. They went through hell at the Somme, Tommy says, and by committing treason, insurrection and arson they – I’ll be honest I stopped listening at this point. Tommy is a colossal bullshitter. I can tell you this much: when news of the bonfire reaches him Churchill is not happy.

They went through hell at the Somme, Tommy says, and by committing treason, insurrection and arson they – I’ll be honest I stopped listening at this point.

I’ll tell you who else isn’t happy. Billy Kimber, leader of the Birmingham Boys outfit and controller of the racetracks shows up hella cranky about the Monaghan Boy fix – suspicious betting that goes on without his sanction he takes as an affront. He’s ready to kill all the Shelbys but Tommy suggests another route. They have a common enemy in the Lees and Tommy can squash them. Kimber is contemptuous but he’s caught a little offguard and his assistant tells Tommy they can parlay more at Cheltenham races.

Campballs meanwhile hits the pubs who pay protection to the Blinders to get Tommy’s attention as a way of reminding him about their tea date. Tommy seeks a date of his own with Secret Agent Grace. He’d like to take her repeatedly up the pipe to the races and early indications are that she’d be susceptible to that because her da’ was killed by the ‘RA in Armagh. She sings him Black Velvet Band and it’s over – he’s cuntstruck. He lost his heart to a Galway Girl.

He’d like to take her repeatedly up the pipe to the races and early indications are that she’d be susceptible to that because her da’ was killed by the ‘RA in Armagh.

So he must surely know how Freddie and Ada feel? Love, real love? Well kind of. He tells Freddie: get the skank out of town to avoid the shame. It’s a better result for Freddie than you might have expected but he isn’t afraid of no Tommy Shelby and is going to stay right here in putrid Birmingham like the dumb communist weasel he is.

Lickey Tea Rooms – the big showdown. Tommy barrels in demanding the finest wines available to humanity and is visibly deflated when no one gets the reference. Once they get down to business Campballs is worried about him being in bed with the Reds like Ada but Tommy is keen not to be distracted. He wants Campbell to let his business run and expand into the race tracks. In return, he’ll get his guns back. Well, that would get Churchill off his back. If he disagrees Tommy assures him he’ll send the guns to Belfast and the IRA. Campbell agrees but he doesn’t shake on it because he has his fingers crossed. He tells Secret Agent Grace to do everything in her power to find the guns and I’m pretty certain that means letting Tommy put his cock in her. If that stops her singing everybody wins.

The verdict: Horsin’ around’s a steerious business.

Marks out of 10: 7.5