BBC4
As we revisit the sexually attractive vintage Swedes fest that is Crimes of Passion Suede frontman Brett Anderson is discovered in his Stockholm flat dead in a dress and blonde wig. “She was a goodtime girl” her neighbour tells police “A proper slag. God, how I’ll miss her”. She remembers a Tintin looking borefriend with a huge forehead a few weeks back. Maybe we should remember him too? He might end up being important in some regard.
“She was a goodtime girl” her neighbour tells police “A proper slag. God, how I’ll miss her”.
But let’s catch up with Fuck and Eejit. Two months married, they vacation in Skoga, the fucking and killing capital of northern Europe. Gigantic foreheaded local boy made bad Tefalhead Tommy Holt winds up dead like a cunt on a lawn and let me tell you it’s a rum crew of characters who have Tommy murder potential.
Lou Mattson the local milf (Mother I’d like to Find dead on the lawn in the morning). Tommy used to put his cock in Lou but then so did half of Skoga. Then there are the Petren sisturds Olivia and Livia. They’re two insufferable cake baking bastards. They are basically what the Olsen twins will look like in 18 months’ time.
Christer rolls up and reveals the big Holt family secret that did Brett Anderson in Stockholm was Tommy’s real mam. This is weird because his pretend mom Margrit has exactly the same Tefalhead as Tommy. But the story goes that the husbland Colonel Holt put his cock in Brett and somehow produced baby Tommy. It’s a big shock for Agneta Tommy’s hot sister but she’ll get over it. Plus, she’s hot.
As usual everyone’s lying and everyone’s boning. When it all unravels it turns out that chain-smoking bestselling writer of romance fiction Elsbet Matts is Tommy’s real actual mom. To dull the pain of the discovery Tommy had fake incest with his hot sister which is why his fake mom Tefalhead Magrit killed him. In a frenzy of bloodlust she then tries to drown some piece of shit cat that’s hanging about.
It looks like Brett Anderson died in vain.
The verdict: What does it take to turn you on now your animal’s gone?
Marks out of 10: 7
