ITV

Richard John “call me John” Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan, was once considered as a possible James Bond – presumably the killer playboy misogynist was thought to be overqualified for the role. ITV’s Lucan shows the fun playful side of John (Rory Kinnear) as he gallivants, boozes and bets his way through his time among the infamous Clermont set – a crew of highrolling gamblers who made Aspinall’s casino in Mayfair their second home. John “Aspers” Aspinall (Christopher Eccleston) is the gaffer and the only thing he loves more than his clientele is relieving them of their huge piles of unearned money. Film stars, sporting legends, dukes, marquesses, earls and cabinet ministers – they all come to try their luck. Lord Lucan pushed his luck more than most, a trait which earned him his nickname Nanny Murdering Cunt.

Lord Lucan pushed his luck more than most, a trait which earned him his nickname Nanny Murdering Cunt.

The drama is framed by modern day writer John Pearson (on whose book The Gamblers much of this is based) – hitting up the old Clermont regulars to reminisce on their homicidal pal.

What Pearson wants to know is: he liked a flutter, had a hot wife Veronica (Catherine McCormack), three beautiful children and money to burn – how did he balls that up? Socking Veronica in the jaw and pissing away his kids’ inheritance at the tables didn’t help. As separation looms Aspers is the Iago of the tale. Pissing in Lucky’s ear about fighting dirty and doing whatever it takes to gain custody of the children he expounds his Social Darwinism at length like the lovable aristocratic sociopath he is. Lucky is all ears (but that’s just centuries of inbreeding).

Lucky is all ears (but that’s just centuries of inbreeding).

Veronica’s a highly strung sort so with Asperger’s advising he tries to get her committed to a nuthouse. Crazy unstable mother – that’ll play well with a judge. He gets the children made wards of court, gaining interim custody of them pending a full hearing. He thinks he has a watertight case after tape-recording her ranting wildly but a psychiatrist declares her quite sane. Veronica gets the kids. So much for your heavy-handed survival of the fittest analogies Asperger’s!

Veronica gets the kids. So much for your heavy-handed survival of the fittest analogies Asperger’s!

It’s a crushing blow for Lucky. The only concession Veronica has to make is replacing her pissed Irish nanny with Sandra Rivett (Leanne Best). She will last 8 happy weeks in the job before having her employ terminated in a most unfortunate manner.

As the verdict sinks in Lucky begins to unravel. He makes nuisance phone calls to the family home, records Veronica’s every movement and, worst of all, whinges like a little bitch. Asperger’s is unimpressed. Is he an Alpha male lion, bred to rule or some kind of Socialist mouse, born to submit and cause all these blasted power cuts plaguing the capital?

Is he an Alpha male lion, bred to rule or some kind of Socialist mouse, born to submit and cause all these blasted power cuts plaguing the capital?

Lucky’s response is a bold one. He comes up with a brilliant plan: kill his wife, disappear her then collect the kids and the sympathy that will inevitably come his way. It’s like a magnificent live-action game of Cluedo – Lord Cuntface kills Lady Cuntface in the basement with the lead piping. Problem is that when push comes to shove it’s Sandra the nanny in the basement flat and before she can “Desist! The skank you seek is upstairs!” he’s caved her skull in.

It’s like a magnificent live-action game of Cluedo – Lord Cuntface kills Lady Cuntface in the basement with the lead piping.

Talk about awkward. He hears Veronica calling for Sandra. You should see his face! Classic.

Before she can “Desist! The skank you seek is upstairs!” he’s caved her skull in.

Here’s the thing: Lucan was a rich and deeply thick piece of shit, who didn’t know how to bet properly. He DKSA gambling. Had he been tutored by Aerial Telly then Nanny McGee would be alive today. Rory Kinnear seems a bit dumpy and sweaty to be playing the tall handsome Lucan but Ecclestone is excellent as Asperger’s Aspinall and there is something very entertaining about watching him manipulate all these idiots poshos.

Lucan was a rich and deeply thick piece of shit, who didn’t know how to bet properly. He DKSA gambling.

Part 2 will cover Lucan’s flight and it will be interesting to see what speculative liberties they take with the facts. Exactly how complicit were the Clermont Set in his escape? I’ll tell you one thing for sure: those crafty cocksmokers ain’t talking any time soon.

The verdict: Bored Pukan.

Marks out of 10: 7.5