BBC Four
Previously on The Bridge: Oliver killed all those dipshits but Mother of Three somehow slipped the net. Now that Martin is back on the market he returns to thoughts of his one true love, Jens. Lord knows he’s tried but he just can’t quit him. They have a cosy prison chat we don’t see but I assume it goes really well. He also reconciles with Saga after that whole snooping on her Munchausen mom business. She explains that to protect her sister she framed her parents for a crime she committed herself. Her ploy worked brilliantly when her sister moved in with her then immediately committed suicide. Is there any problem she can’t solve?
She even works out that crazy lab bastard, instant messaging enthusiast and mass murderer Mother of Three is research director Gertrud. Tracking the little tinker down is a problem but that dope Rasmus, who spends the episode trying to pin everything on Bodie, nonetheless gives up Gertrud’s whereabouts which is at least something.
Her ploy worked brilliantly when her sister moved in with her then immediately committed suicide.
Outside the summit protesters mill around with placards saying ACT NOW. That’s a bit unfair. I think this is quite well acted. Nonetheless they could certainly have something to protest about soon. Gertrud injects Victoria with a killer airborne virus to spread it at the conference and it’s all gone a bit 24 season three. Victoria is feeling a little under the weather but she still finds her way to the bar for some socialising. She’s coughing but no biggie. She’s just getting into her stride when Caroline gets the call from Saga and it’s time to evacuate the premises with the quickness.
But where is Victoria? I’ll tell you where: she’s gone to her room for a rest (AND TO DIE although she doesn’t know that yet). Pernille eventually finds her in one of the public toilets and isolates her, handcuffing her to the sink. Caroline is spluttering with rage, so much so in fact that Pernille gets a face full of infected blood. Now she’s going to die and Martin is now likely to be bereft of pussy forever. Great work Caroline you dozy Leslie Knope looking skank.
Pernille watches her die in agony bleeding from every hole, a bloody mess, knowing that she’s next. “I would have really liked to have had sex with you!” Martin yells at her from behind a locked bathroom door. “Lot of fucking good that is to me now” she sasses back. Martin weeps bitter tears of regret for the loss of future clam. Pernille opts not to waste time on futile rumination and shoots herself in the head and fortunately she is a far better shot from close range than Oliver. Well that saved time but wasted a bullet. Hello? Environmental conference? Jesus, these people.
“I would have really liked to have had sex with you!” Martin yells at her from behind a locked bathroom door.
So Gertrud’s masterplan doesn’t quite come to fruition although, as she doesn’t bother to check Final Score, she doesn’t realise this. She records a Dickless Brony style confession incorrectly talking about the scores of people she killed. Imminent environmental and climate disaster are her stated concerns and while we may agree with her methods we certainly don’t agree with her weak hippy communist eco-bullshit. Her silhouetted paymaster tells her only two died and that she failed. Then he kills her. Bye Gertrud! I feel like we hardly knew you.
While we may agree with her methods we certainly don’t agree with her weak hippy communist eco-bullshit.
So Saga and Martin can rest easy for another year. There’s just the small issue of Martin killing Jens, Saga shopping him and his arrest for murder but I’m sure it’s nothing a life sentence won’t solve. We leave Saga mental and lonely like the blonde one from Abba. Only hotter and with better hair.
She dusts off an old framed photo of her sister and puts it up. One day she’ll be a real girl. One day.
The verdict: Another victory for Nordic despair.
Marks out of 10: 8
