You’re not ready for this

Devout Aerial Telly fan, hardest working girl in show business, girl genius songwriter and modern-day Billie Holiday, Amy Winehouse is once again subjected to unnecessary and intrusive coverage from the tabloid press. It appears she has supposedly allegedly “punched” a supposed alleged “fan” who was taking photos while Amy was with her goddaughter. Although by nature a sweet-hearted girl who’s never done any harm to anybody, once cornered she is a savage beast willing to do whatever it takes to fight her way out. Certain people need to recognize.

Yes, she punched a fan at Glastonbury. So figgedy what? Have you actually been to Glastonbury? Can you find me five people there who don’t need punching? And in any case the evidence suggests that somebody had either made a grab for her tits or her beehive. If you make a lunge for a lady’s puppies then you deserve what is coming to you.

If you make a lunge for a lady’s puppies then you deserve what is coming to you.

And if the Winehouse beehive was the subject of assault in this was a catastrophically foolish error. It is clear that the beehive has an as yet unknown spiritual significance for Winehouse. It outweighs her by about 4 kilos and that’s before she’s hidden her her stash in it. Leave the beehive be.

It is clear that the beehive has an as yet unknown spiritual significance for Winehouse.

As her success grows, her personal problems grow with them. Twat jailbird husbland, substance abuse issues, dermatology up the spout, emphysema – yet still she soldiers on.

Twat jailbird husbland, substance abuse issues, dermatology up the spout, emphysema – yet still she soldiers on.

For all these “people” looking to harass, criticise, do down and mock this precious princess Aerial Telly has one thing to say: fuck with Amy Winehouse and all you’ll get is a cauliflower arse, a dose of impetigo and your feelings hurt worse than you can handle.