E4
Nothing attracts a crowd like a funeral so Tha Kidz are gagging to pay their final respects to Cal What’s-his-face and say “So long, gypsy boy. You’re dead, we’re alive – eat demon dick in hell for eternity”. And yet in a stunning snub to the people who murdered their favoured son the gypsy community bar them from the event. It’s a pretty eventful event too. Eli drops the nut on his jailbird dad for some Mickey Donovan style comment on Cal’s sex worker career. A swift theft of a social services file later and Eli confirms the truth: Cal was a toilet trader. Still, at least he died with more credibility than Brooke Magnanti.
Cal was a toilet trader. Still, at least he died with more credibility than Brooke Magnanti.
Over at the station Janine the Fake Vet is on lockdown for slanging Special K, identity theft and also some trifling gypsy murder. Rob can get her off the murder rap by admitting he was putting his cock in her when the murder took place and although it takes him a while he comes clean and secures her release. Good man, Rob. I see a promising future ahead for Janine despite all her troubles.
There’s a weirdly hot shaving scene between Tina and Eli. He struggles but after several attempts he gets most of her moustache off. Tha Kidz have a touching ceremony of their own for Cal. It’s really shit.
Ruth the Slut’s Daughter lives up to her mother’s billing by letting her never-to-be-repeated one night stand Dominic put his cock in her again. “Fucking nominative determinism, man” she says as she wipes 29 fluid ounces of yokel spunk of her face and puts on her uniform to resume her really sterling police work on Cal’s murder. She unearths vital CCTV footage of Cal arguing with some hooded scrote in his final hours. But who is the scrote? It’s only Dominic.
“Oh FFS” says Slut’s Daughter “FML”.
Got to stop fucking murderers, girl. She ends on a high note though by finding Janine dead like a cunt on her kitchen room floor. See? If you keep on plugging away you get the results.
The verdict: 77% of accidents occur in the home.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
