Channel 4
Hot Jessica drags That Ginger Gash out of Dugdale‘s gaffe by her skanky red mane and marches out to find her pops Dead Philip Carvel. A photo with Jessica’s gun to her head draws Wilson‘s attention away from LOLcats for 30 seconds and a resolve immediately grows in him to get back the boss lady. Jessica sets out on the trail using the signal of the iPhone in the lining of Ian‘s coat, currently wrapped around Grant.
Which is a lucky break as Grant is actually with Dead Phil, enjoying an away day at the seaside with Arby. It’s a frozen coastal fuckpit from Arby’s childhood and when Jessica swings by to catch up with her father and brother it’s the most depressing family reunion since the Philips clan got together to decide whether or not John Phillips was fucking his daughter for 10 years.
It’s the most depressing family reunion since the Philips clan got together to decide whether or not John Phillips was fucking his daughter for 10 years.
Dugdale wants to get his wife and child out of this alive and to do this he inserts an iPhone up his anus to give him the confident assured feeling you only get from having Steve Jobs’ pride and joy up your arse. Remarkably it works. He busts them out of captivity like his name was Michael Scofield which I’m pretty certain it isn’t.
Ian meanwhile is being a real dick over the death of his brother, acting all shook, bricking up that nause Donaldson‘s corpse. Becky decides getting some fresh air would be a good thing for him and they both pay a visit to Dugdale but in a flash Wilson is on them like BLAW! and they’ve got some explaining to do.
And the first thing Ian and Becky get to explaining is how, far from being an innocent indiscriminate killer of millions, Anus is a dirty racist virus targeting only one group. “Please say the Welsh” thinks Wilson looking at Becky. But wait, other douchebaggery is afoot. Wilson and that Leah freak run the numbers and discover that Anus is even worse than thought in an as yet unspecified manner. They hare after Milner to stop Operation Flu before it begins.
Back beside the seaside Dead Phil tells a fuming Jessica he loves her and she melts. Like so many mental girls all she needed was a daddy. She’s in bits so it’s left to Milner and Wilson to tease out of Phil the full truth of Anus. The virus will leave only his own people The Romas standing. The new human race descended entirely from gypsies – shiteinabucket!
There is the other small detail that Anus renders the flu vaccine useless. Milner goes ahead anyway with the order to release the flu condemning 100 million people to death. That’s when it all kicks off. Dead Phil plugs Arby for being a shit son and Grant plugs Milner for being a disgusting soulless ginger. Say what you like about those busy tourist trap resorts they never get this violent.
A few hundred miles due south Terence, one of The Network’s McJob sleeper agents, prepares to get crop dusting like Fat Fred Durst from Dust Up. The genocide is incoming.
The verdict: Better dead than red.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
