ITV
When you’ve lived in the killing fields of Oxford for as long as Lewis has you’re quite accustomed to the dead bodies that litter your path on the way to work. So when
American classics postgrad Rose Anderson is yanked out of a canal with a severed carotid artery it is as inconsequential as a documentary from Billie JD Porter. Rose was one of a handful of African Americans not shot by police this year – as rare as she was annoying and that’s very. In her spare time she was getting her back knocked out by astrophysics dong Felix Garwood (John Light) who had recently viciously friendzoned her. So who apart from him and every American policeman would want to kill Rose?
I suppose there’s Phillipa Garwood (Andrea Lowe) if you’re asking. In addition to licking her crack juice of her husbland’s face each night Phillipa was Rose’s doctorate supervisor. But Rose had been a mensch to Philipa’s sister Jennie Brightwell – tutoring her kid Tabby like she actually gave a shit. Tabby has some kind of blood Aids which is likely to kill her and render her private tutoring very Oxford – completely academic.
Tabby has some kind of blood Aids which is likely to kill her and render her private tutoring very Oxford – completely academic.
Rose had even lent the Brightwells £10,000 for IVF treatment, their plan being to have a baby to save shit Tabby with her stem cells. Yeah, because “science” is the answer. With Jennie now pregnant it looks like Tabby may have a fighting chance which is more than you can say for Rose who is still dead like a cunt.
But what about her holer flatmate Chloe (Jessica Henwick)? She rowed with Rose after she discovered Chloe’s Scouse coke dealing borefriend Harrison stepping on product in their kitchen with razor blades, talcum powder, baby formula, crushed junior aspirin and Vim. When police rumble his hustle Harrison rides away like the wind leaving Chloe to answer a bunch of questions she’s too thick to comprehend never mind answer.
In yet another alarming development that distressing gangling affront to God Hathaway discovers that Rose found out that doddery classics dong Simon Flaxmore’s book about Euripides lost play was a big old hoax. Add another to the list of suspects.
But while you’re there you can probably subtract Felix Garwood from the list. He is found dead, beaten savagely with Newton’s telescope which the killer then inserted fully extended into his anus.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the starfish. ¹
The verdict: Blood simple.
Marks out of 10: 7
¹ Fuck you.