ITV

Previously on Breathless: Miles from This Life is married to Rachel from This Life only in another life, not this one. This week Miles visits a nightclub for a routine termination. Megan Greaves is the lady who wants her baby snuffed but Miles discovers that a chemical douche has ruined her vagina and she simply must be admitted to grown-up hospital immediately. Po-po are sniffing around and Enderbury is as twitchy as Morrissey at Father Ted’s cultural diversity festival and he kills a patient with his shit shaking hands. Not content with killing the unborn and he’s apparently dead set on killing the born. Miles takes take the opportunity to hit on Angela with some “you only live once” post-mortem bullshit. He’s persistent, I’ll give him that.

Over in the other perfect marriage Richtard fucks some old broad from his past called Margaret. In a really classy rubbing it in move the takes Jean to the restaurant where Margaret is hostess the following night. It’s insensitive to say the least and Jean is all “stand down Margaret please”. She literally sees lipstick on his collar – schoolboy error on his part. She throws a plate. “You threw a plate!” he observes. He’s right, she has. A dinner plate. She dinner like him cheating with ropey old tarts, y’ken.

Rachel from This Life rings Inspector Mulligan to arrange a fun lunch date where he assures her he can ruin their lives. He makes a veiled threat against Thomas, the Powell’s weird Harry Potter son. Rachel makes a real twat of herself by driving up to the school and screaming his name on the cricket pitch. If he wasn’t being bullied before this he certainly will be now. “You’re just a shit Betty Draper” he says silently as they sit in the car afterwards. As they drive off though Mulligan appears. Just because you’re paranoid and all that. “I want you and all that Powell has” he tells her. I think he’s talking about her vagina again; it’s a bit of a theme on the show.

The verdict: Still not quite hitting the mark.

Marks out of 10: 6