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The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn
Channel 4
You can never have too much wookie in Channel Four's book. Hell, no. Despite claims to the contrary there's nothing the network likes better than a spuriously justified voyeuristic gaze at the seamier side of this thing called life. Like its reckless sibling violence, sex demands the attention of programme makers simply because - good or bad - it always bumps up the viewing figures and makes publicising the show as uncomplicated as pushing cocaine to TV presenters.
"Sex demands the attention of programme makers simply because - good or bad - it makes publicising the show as uncomplicated as pushing cocaine to TV presenters."
So a second season for the Dark Side of Porn, the channel's look at how beastly the Adult Entertainment Industry is was as safe a bet as you get in television. The series opener Amateur Porn featured Mandy, a young porn producer specialising in a home-made filth, and Mike, a producer who had put together a compilation DVD of him shagging his ex-girlfriends.
"Her sales technique is to walk up to young single men with the gambit 'do you want to have sex with a porn star?' which beats the hell out of 'any accidents or injuries in the past four years?'"
Mandy, an attractive if slightly brassy young woman, specialises in gonzo porn, picking up young single men on the street to appear in her films. The young men fulfil their porn star fantasies and Mandy doesn't have to pay them - you quickly learn that there's always a bottom line with Mandy and it's not artistic integrity. Her sales technique is to walk up to young single men with the gambit "do you want to have sex with a porn star?" which beats the hell out of "any accidents or injuries in the past four years?".
Perhaps unsurprisingly, many flee for the hills prompting Mandy to chase after them promising "pussy" and "hot sex" like some deranged poster girl for Tourette's. Mandy reckons she has a success rate of one in six on the initial approach although many fail to turn up for the follow-up meeting. You see girls, when we say that we want you do the approaching we do mean it, just make it a bit less rapey. And ditch the film crew.
"You see girls, when we say that we want you do the approaching we do mean it, Just make it a bit less rapey. And ditch the film crew."
Those that do turn up to the shoot are often unable to perform under the stressful conditions of having a bunch of people watch them at it. And it can't help having Mandy looming over them with a camera saying things like "that's right - stick it up her cunt". I mean really - does she kiss her mother with that mouth?
We soon discover that she does when she has a home screening of one of her films with her mam and granny. It's all too much for Gran who makes a bolt for the kitchen after watching a few of Mandy's potty mouthed street approaches.
On the other side of the country, we're introduced to Mike. Mike was born with spina bifida and suffered bullying at school and sees his involvement in amateur porn as a validation of his self-worth. Battering his former girlfriend with a kettle, however, landed him with a GBH conviction and he certainly does seem to have some issues with women and the fact that it's only OK to hit them if they hit you first.
"She tells her dad that his little girl is going to be appearing sucking violent criminal cock on a DVD near him very soon."
Mike not only persuaded all his ex-girlfriends to be filmed having sex with him, he got them to sign release forms so that he could do whatever he damn well pleasey with the footage. There's an extended conversation with his colossally stupid ex as she refuses to take responsibility for her actions, has Mike's name removed from a tattoo and tells her dad that his little girl is going to be appearing sucking violent criminal cock on a DVD near him very soon.
Daddy seems to take the news quite well although he confides to the film-makers he "feels like dying". This would be quite a solemn moment if we didn't know perfectly well that the entire film crew had cracked one off to the misogynist gimp fucking his daughter's brains out an hour earlier. "For what it's worth, I think she's got a nice rack" is just one of the things the film crew do not say in response (I am happy to report).
"This would be quite a solemn moment if we didn't know perfectly well that the entire film crew had cracked one off to the misogynist gimp fucking his daughter's brains out an hour earlier."
So, score another one on the Channel 4 "pornography is bad m'kay?" scoresheet. Don't get me wrong - pornography is a dirty grubby business filled with dirty grubby people. But presenting women as the victims of pornography rather than the eager active participants they are is to shamelessly misrepresent the situation. Certainly it's exploitative - what industry isn't? But you'll notice that Mandy wasn't cold calling women to appear in porn films. Have you ever wondered why, in an industry that has a notoriously high turnover of staff and constantly requires new talent they never need to go on recruitment drives?
"Everybody's getting fucked at their work. Some people are lucky enough to come as well. They are to be envied, not patronised."
It's because the women in the industry enjoy it. They know they've got it good. They're getting fucked and they're getting paid. And it beats working in a cake shop.
Everybody's getting fucked at their work. Some people are lucky enough to come as well. They are to be envied, not patronised.
Disclaimer: the names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the participants. And because I can't remember them.
The best thing about it: Mandy's street walk ups.
The worst thing about it: Mike - an unpleasant little creep.
The verdict on The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn: Another diverting Channel 4 look at things we really shouldn't be looking at.
Marks out of 10: 7
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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
2007: your relationshit is going nowhere
2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.
50 ways to grieve your lover
Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet
Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies
Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but...
Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock
Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann
Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt
Apology for slavery
The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt
Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it
Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly
Happy Christmas cock smokers
Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.
It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks
Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.
Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man
Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...
Mea culpa - you a cunta
"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"
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Sympathy For The Devil
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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING
200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice
Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser
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Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?
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Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is
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TV REVIEWS (cont'd)
Pushing Daisies series premiere...
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We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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