ITV
You know what’s been missing from Clownton Abbey? Sexual violence. Oh sure we’ve had barbecued Cousin Barry from the Titanic, yeah we’ve had Cousin Matthew‘s sprained vagina and subsequent paralysis and truedat we’ve had Branson Pickle the Mick‘s dangerous Fenian outbursts but the sex so far has been pretty universally consensual. That all changes this week with the violation of Mrs Bates by Mr Green (Nigel “Self” Harman last seen being shite as sister fucking heir to the Dennis Watts mantle Dennis Rickman in EastEnders). He’s in the employ of Lord Gillingham‘s an old childhood friend of Monster Mash Mary. Gillingham offers to take her riding. “I’ll be stiff as a board the next day” she responds. “Quelle différence you flatlining teed” quips Gillingham. Oh Mary. You do set yourself up for these at times.
“I’ll be stiff as a board the next day” she responds. “Quelle différence you flatlining teed” quips Gillingham. Oh Mary. You do set yourself up for these at times.
It’s a big weekend because Clownton are throwing a big HOUSE party. There are 16 guests which is the Edwardian equivalent of the attendances at early acid house raves and the star turn is singer Dame Nellie Melba (Kiri Te Kanawa). She’s a real pain in the arse and Carson quite rightly keeps her under armed guard in her room during dinner so the rest of the guests don’t have to suffer her – a decision Cora bafflingly reverses. It’s while Peach Melba sings that sisterbanger nips down to the kitchen to put a raping on Anna. There’s clearly something in the air because later Myanussis Burning rapes Branson Pickle although he gives it up pretty easily because he’s all sad about being different from the toffs.
Rape is always a serious issue unless it’s a film director sodomising a child then the main issue to focus on is how his detractors aren’t being nuanced enough.
But rape is rape. It’s always a serious issue unless it’s a film director sodomising a child then the main issue to focus on is how his detractors aren’t being nuanced enough. I dunno, man. Is this Clownton or is it The White Queen where rape is a weekly occurrence? Who’s next, the Countess? Blewlian Fellowes thinks he’s Tarantino all of a sudden. Lord knows where this will all end.
The verdict: No means no.
Marks out of 10: 7
