Showtime
Dexter cliffhangers have a habit of underwhelming with their payoffs and Hannah drugging Debs and Dexter is no exception. They both wake up alive and unmolested even if Dex was dumped off the side of the road somewhere. At the very least she could have given Debs a wedgie or drawn a cock and balls on Dexter’s face but no – a night under the stars for Dex and and night on the carpet for Debs (who’s certainly no stranger to that). With a bit of routine abuse of police resources Dexter discovers that Hannah is now married to sugar daddy husbland Miles Castner, a casino magnate. “What kind of name is Miles anyway?” wonders Dexter who is crazy jealous, a feeling only partially tempered by the very real possibility of her harbouring murderous vengeance against him and his sister. But love rarely runs smooth for Dexter whose girlfriends generally end up dead, in jail or worst of all Lumen.
In tracking down Hannah for a tête-à-tête he enlists the help of Zach Hamilton, the junior killer he intends to mould into a new version of him. For now though he’s in an assistant’s role – they’re the Batman and Robin of lethal vigilantism. Zach’s keen but annoying as Detective Quim finds out when Zach rats him out on his 24 hour surveillance of him. Deputy Chief Matthews tells Quim that in case he hadn’t made his feelings clear in their previous conversation: bacdafucup off the Hamilton kid. It’s not all bad news for Quim though as it looks like he’ll be moving in with Jamie which at the very least will piss Angel off.
Deputy Chief Matthews tells Quim that in case he hadn’t made his feelings clear in their previous conversation: bacdafucup off the Hamilton kid.
Family though, eh? Take Masuka’s daughter Nikki, now working at a sports bar. She tells him to meet her there but neglects to tell him it’s a topless joint. So when she shows up more or less how nature intended he gets daughter boner – the worst boner of all. Much like Chris Rock he feels his main role as a father is to keep his daughter off the pole and he manufactures a part-time assistant post in the lab for her. She’ll think about it. It’s good to know he cares.
And Hannah still cares about Dexter. She confesses as much when they have a heart-to-heart in her old greenhouse. She came back to Miami to ask Dexter to kill her controlling weird husbland but when she saw Dexter all passed out and vulnerable she just didn’t want to put him in that position (dumping him on the grassy knoll was OK though). As if to confirm the Hannah’s account of him, Piles corners Dexter at gas service station and tells him “I could call a few people and ruin your life” (due to his gambling genius Aerial Telly regularly receives casino spam and he can confirm quality of life plummets when listening to those idiots). Dexter is all pfffft but later gets pummelled by three of Castner’s goons. He goes to check Hannah’s alright but when he finds her she’s already knifed her twatty husbland to death. And Dex totally gets it. One quick ocean disposal job later and Piles Castner is fish food and Hannah? Free agent again. *Rubs hands together*.
Dex totally gets it. One quick ocean disposal job later and Piles Castner is fish food and Hannah? Free agent again. *Rubs hands together*.
Miami Metro really is the worst cockblocker in history though because just as things are about to get interesting with Hannah he gets called to a murder scene – one in his own apartment block. His hot neighbour Cassie has been bludgeoned to death and it happened just after Zach turned up at Dexter’s place. It’s bound to be the new borefriend but of course suspicion falls upon Zach the chick killer. If he keeps dropping bodies at this rate then Dexter may have to kill him just to get laid. Hannah’s pumpum won’t wait around forever. ¹
The verdict: Zach, quick – to the Twatmobile!
Marks out of 10: 7
¹ You know, judging from this episode it actually might.
