Dexter Season 4 Premiere

Showtime

The fourth season of Dexter premieres 27 September but a moody pre-air version has surfaced so HIT IT.  We left the forensic Jeffrey Dahmer on the happiest day of his life.  Unlike most men, it was his wedding day.  Cartoonist Spencer McCallum got married once.  It didn’t work out.  How was he to know that his wife had a Pickford’s van waiting outside with the engine running? But the new Mrs Rita Morgan does not get down like that – she’s a keeper and Dexter needs that stability. But the world’s greatest serial killer also needs his own space and with newborn son Harrison around it’s starting to feel a bit claustrophobic in Miami Dade.

"We left the forensic Jeffrey Dahmer on the happiest day of his life. Unlike most men, it was his wedding day. Spencer McCallum got married once. It didn’t work out. How was he to know that his wife had a Pickford’s van waiting outside with the engine running?"

They say sleep deprivation is the most effective form of torture and multiple sleepless nights are slowly taking their toll on Dexter.  The baby is a cranky nause and his daddy is shadow of his former self.  There’s a fantastic spoof in this episode of those signature opening credits with Dex getting dressed but with baby puke on his immaculate white T-shirt, shoelaces snapping, blurred vision and ugly yawns – the crashing monotony of the endurance test that is parenthood.  Our boy is finding domesticity stifling and you don’t want to stifle a monster.

"Careful, Quinn – the last cop who got up in Dexter’s grill like that ended up getting his blown off by single white shemale Little Miss "pardon my tits" Lila."

No m’lud, you want set it free to do what it does best: kill in cold blood.  An insomnia blitzed Dexter fucks up his testimony at a murder trial, allowing the killer, a douche named Gomez, to go free.  He’d make a nice kill to relieve some of that post partum tension, true, but first Dexter has to deal with possibly corrupt Mick cop (and partner of his sister and real-life boneypie wife Deb) Quinn – mad vexed with Dex for blowing the case and riding him throughout the episode.  Careful, Quinn – the last cop who got up in Dexter’s grill like that was Sergeant Doakes and he ended up getting his ass blown up by single white shemale Little Miss "pardon my tits" Lila as a direct result.  Is that what you want?

Is it really, Quinn? 

I’d wager not, but people do surprise you.  Take LaGuerta, supposedly recovering from having her friend murdered by her ex-borefriend (not to mention having her former police partner and fuckbuddy barbecued by Little Miss "pardon my tits" in season two), she’s actually getting dick from Angel. Yeah y’heard. I thought he was still seeing that Barbara honey?  You can’t trust anyone these days.

"Frank Lundy has got a Special Agent hard on for him though it seems likely that he’ll be wanting to put his cock in Deb’s boneypie again which to me is totally baffling. There is not an ounce of fat on her and she looks like Mr Punch."

Certainly not serial killers like this season’s monster of the month the Trinity Killer.  Trinity kills in threes, has avoided capture for 30 years and seems to have a thing for suffering femoral arteries while taking baths with his victims. Weird . Special Agent Frank Lundy has got a Special Agent hard on for him though it seems likely that he’ll be wanting to put his cock in Deb‘s boneypie again which to me is totally baffling.  There is not an ounce of fat on her and she looks like Mr Punch.  Real talk.

Oh yeah – that Gomez douche who played with Dex?  Worm food. 

It’s a nice opener and I’m intrigued by whatever’s going on with Angel and LaGuerta.  A cool new serial killer to play with, scrote revenge fantasy and the continuing balancing-family-life-with-ritual-slaughter conundrum we’ve grown so fond of.  I don’t know that Dexter could go on forever but I’m down for another season of secrets, lies, death and dismemberment.  It’s what makes it one of the best feelgood shows out there.

The best thing about it: Angel hitting LaGuerta’s fat ass.

The worst thing about it: Everyone else hitting Deb’s flat ass

The verdict on Dexter Season 4 Premiere: Slaughter your daughter in the Sunshine State.

Marks out of 10: 7.5

Imagined: Friday, August 21, 2009