Aerial Telly isn’t having it

Aerial Telly is one of those cats who can’t stand violence. He’d rather drink his own piss than engage in physical confrontation with another human being. Nonetheless, he does say this: if ANY of you EVER send in “suggestions” for how Aerial Telly can be “improved” he will beat you with his bare fists to within an inch of your life. He will rip off your ears, parcel them in asbestos and send them around the globe second-class so they are in with all the penpal letters, junk mail and your foster mom’s birthday card.

“If you even think about ice grilling Aerial Telly he will stick two fingers in your eye sockets like a bowling ball and roll your skull into your so called crew for a 7-10 split.”

If you even begin to think about contemplating ice grilling Aerial Telly he will stick two fingers in your eye sockets like a bowling ball, yank your noggin off its stump and roll your skull into your so called crew for a 7-10 split.

“If you begin to tell tales to the papers, he will tie you up, drive you to the desert, smear you in honey and drop you on a nest of army ants.”

Should you even look like you’re about to complain he will amputate your hands and use them as ashtrays. If you dare presume to start pointing the finger he will pull ALL your fingers off one by one and insert them into your various orifi. If you should even move to put your foot down he will nail it to the floor while skewering your liver with sharpened chopsticks.

If you begin to tell tales to the newspapers, he will tie you up, drive you to the desert, smear you in honey and drop you on a nest of army ants and film the hilarious consequences with a stop-motion camera and then return 48 hours later to piss on your sun-bleached skeleton.

“Badmouth the boy to a mutual acquaintance and the instant he finds out he’ll put your cock in a blender and feed the results to your clique.”

Badmouth the boy to a mutual acquaintance and the instant he finds out he’ll put your cock in a blender and feed the results to your clique.

And yes, should you give him any backchat he’ll circumcise your face with a knife dipped in shit and let the infection do the rest.