Twisted upholds that most American of traditions: kids inexplicably withholding evidence from the police to Scooby their way to the killer. Of course in the case of Lacey and Jo they already have a killer, their good friend Danny Desai. Danny kills relatives like his name was Jeremy Bamber. He’s a one-man killing machine. He is devastation, wrath, destruction. It’s been a tough time for Dan since he came home from juvie – his timing was really off. He was out 24 hours before, in typically annoying teenager form, Vagina got herself killed. Now everybody wants to pin Vagina on Danny. It hasn’t really helped holding onto Great Aunt Strangleme‘s necklace of doom and his moms throwing it into the lake of silence was a pretty dumb move too.
It’s not just the bodies piling up that’s fucking with Killer Dan. The tension between Lacey and Jo has skyrocketed recently and it makes for a stunningly boring road trip to in Connecticut, home of Ken Kaniff, Kevin Bacon and Bette Davis, to knock up the sender of the hush money to Vagina. It came from room 413, Silver Sky Apartments, a crib registered to Daddy Desai who, as we all know, is at the bottom of the ocean with Robert Maxwell and Leonardo DiCapreteen from Titanic. And yet they never found his body. HMMMMM.
He was out 24 hours before, in typically annoying teenager form, Vagina got herself killed. Now everybody wants to pin Vagina on Danny
Back in Green Grove, Rico wants to put his cock in Jo but he’d better get in line. Not because there’s anyone in front of him it’s just she doesn’t want to bang him and this isn’t The White Queen where rape is a legitimate option so he’d better prepare himself for a lifetime of disappointment and blue balls which will probably transmute into depression, misogyny, alcoholism and vicious attacks on tech bloggers. If Jo had any kind of conscience she’d either fuck him or kill him for the good of humanity because any other outcome leads to nothing but desolation for us.
Rico had better prepare himself for a lifetime of disappointment and blue balls which will probably transmute into depression, misogyny, alcoholism and vicious attacks on tech bloggers.
But fuck that little piece of shit. I’m done with him. Twisted keeps a solid grip on the watchable but unspectacular teen drama everyone will have forgotten next year crown. Avan Jogia is great as Danny and I imagine this won’t be the last we’ll see of the likeable Madelaine Hasson. I expect we’ll discover Danny killed neither his aunt nor Vagina and that the one of the mean girls did for Vag. I’ve got just enough interest to see this one out and be proven right in the final shakeup.
The verdict: Connecticut and run.
Marks out of 10: 7