Tower Block of Commons

Channel 4

I’m inclined to distrust programmes like this. I like politicians and "people" nause me the fuck out so when I see a show that shows plebs shouting at MPs about how they don’t understand real people I switch channels quicker than Billy Cudrup switches the woman carrying his child for a younger model, the sick piece of shit.  But yeah, Tower Block of Commons ¹ is here, it’s queer² so we’d better get used to it.

"Mark Oaten gets puked into a tower block in Dagenham, Essex, World’s worst public speaker, former Tory Grand Wizard and Member for Chingford and Woodford Green Iain Duncan Smith gets spunked onto Carpenters Estate, East Lahndon"

So, MPs are living on sink estates among the very people who didn’t vote them in.  It’s democracy in action. Mark Oaten (yes that rent boy
guy) gets puked into a tower block in Dagenham, Essex, to live with 45-year-old mum Cathy. World’s worst public speaker, former Tory Grand Wizard and Member for Chingford and Woodford Green Iain Duncan Smith gets spunked onto Carpenters Estate East Lahndon, where he crashes with Charise, 19.  He tells her about where he works.  “You’ve seen Big Ben – the tower with the clock?" She hasn’t. Bummer.

Next up, grizzled Labour douchebag Austin Mitchell insists both on having his own gaffe and having his nausey shrew of a wife Linda with him in Hull.  His guide through the Red Riding style Yorkshire wastelands is Selina, a recovering smackhead who used to sell her body for drugs. With that body she’d be lucky to get two junior aspirin but, chill.

"Selina, a recovering smackhead, used to sell her body for drugs. With that body she’d be lucky to get two junior aspirin but, chill."

David Cameron replicant Tim Loughton gets sent to gang divided Newtown in Birmingham to shack up with Charise, 19. Rub your hands together for this one.  Tim Nause-But-Dim talks to a noisy estate fruit cunting off about the MP expenses scandal with all the self-righteous fury of someone who has never falsely claimed benefits, fiddled expenses, lied on an insurance claim, stolen from an employer – in other words, a non-resident of your earth world.  Never mind that we have the least corrupt political class in Europe, let’s just shout at a clueless Tory twat that’ll sort things out. Aerial Telly grew up around victim mentality having shitbirds like this – the shrift he offers them is short. 

Simple Tim’s host Charise introduces him to her college friends who keep asking him "what you gonna do for this area". (This isn’t his constituency, genius.  What are you doing for the area?)  What bad stuff did you get up to at school, they continue, oral sex?  He went to public school – I reckon it’s a safe bet.

"’Ain’t you the one who got done for the rent boys?’ a chav asks ‘I got done by the News of the World’ Oaten retorts.  ‘You’ve got Aids’ quips the chav.  It’s like Frost/Nixon up in this bitch."

Down in the southeast, Mark Oaten mixes well with the Essex toughs "Ain’t you the one who got done for the rent boys?" a chav asks "I got done by the News of the World” Oaten retorts.  "You’ve got Aids" quips the chav.  It’s like Frost/Nixon up in this bitch.

I dunno. So far we’ve learnt that living in shitty council flats with shitty living conditions in shitty areas is shitty. That’s GREAT but why not do the full swap and send the estate filth to Westminster – let them work 18 hour days, deal with moronic constituents, ever-changing party policy, hateful political journalists, Jeremy fricking Paxman.  My money’s on them running for the hills and back to the comforts of diazepam, income support and Jeremy Kyle as fast as their tubby legs will take them.  Real talk.

Instead we all get told that the politicians gained some priceless insight into the plight of the deserving poor.  Trouble is, shows like this encourage a stupidity, laziness and dishonestly that deifies the underclass and demonises the political class.  The cynicism it cultivates is toxic and takes the debate in one direction only – down to the level of the shouting estate fruit in the street, shamelessly mugging to the camera, angry at a world he is too stupid to understand.  We’re taking counsel from Frank Gallagher.

The verdict on Tower Block of Commons: Hamstrung by its own piety

Marks out of 10: 6

¹ Shit name btw. You can hear the clink of the chain against the bathtub everytime it is uttered

² Meaning odd or deviating from the norm, of course

Imagined: Wednesday, February 24, 2010