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Lee McQueen was the correct winner of The Apprentice. Claire could have done equally well, maybe even better but she showed herself to be a viperish little backbiter of a contestant on the show and while having a bit of an edge doesn’t hurt in business if all you’ve got are edges then how does one go about handling you? Lee was never brought back into the boardroom by any of the team captains and was a firm but fair captain himself. Like his dad, the milkman, he DELIVERED. He has his flaws but he’s fundamentally decent, smart and hard-working. There’s a reason why Alan Michael Sugar is worth £800 million and his critics don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. He has good instincts whereas you base your preferences on who you would quite like to have a pint with. Small wonder your aromatherapy business went down the tubes. What is it with you “people”?

“I’m sure Lee knows next to nothing about women’s underwear but when handed the task of shifting a bundle of panties
at the NEC he sold his ass off. That’s what grownups do – they get on with things.”

Of course, you’d rather Lucinda won, the Penelope Pitstop of Ernst & Young. Now, Lucinda was alright and did well as a project leader but as a team member she was practically unmanageable. Knows nothing about IT, knows nothing about cars — what exactly do you know about, girl? I’m sure Lee knows next to nothing about women’s underwear but when handed the task of shifting a bundle of panties at the NEC he sold his ass off. That’s what grownups do – they get on with things.

“People expect you to lie in certain circumstances. If Aerial Telly readers told the truth in their personal ads, why, they’d get laid even less than they do at present.”

Yes, Lee McQueen made a slight exaggeration on his CV, stretching his stay at university from four months to two years. Big figgedy deal. Priggish douchebags have flagged this as a clear sign as the end of civilisation. Albert Swearengen one said “I wouldn’t trust a man who didn’t try and steal a little” and that’s pretty much I feel about these shitcake bakers on the Internet who claimed never to have lied on their CV. People expect you to lie in certain circumstances, you pious fools. If Aerial Telly readers told the truth in their personal ads, why, they’d get laid even less than they do at present. And it was obvious that Lee’s fib came from insecurity about his education rather than a desire to hoodwink, defraud, cheat, swindle, gull or indeed bilk. And like my man Gregory House said “everyone lies”.

“Lee and Claire’s fragrance Roulette was a no-nonsense return to the 70s, a reaction against the metrosexual tyranny, a scent that conjured up alpha males, risk-taking and Bourbon on the rocks.”

The finale had Alex and Helene paired off against Lee and Claire, the teams charged with coming up with a fragrance for men and presenting it to a room full of professional scent arseholes. Lee and Claire’s fragrance Roulette was a no-nonsense return to the 70s, a reaction against the metrosexual tyranny, a scent that conjured up alpha males, risk-taking and Bourbon on the rocks. It was all a bit naff, really but industry bigwigs thought it would have a certain trashy mass-market appeal.

“The tense climax had Sugar agonising unconvincingly over a decision he had probably made weeks ago figuring that Lee would be less of a pain in the arse in the long run.”

Alex and Helene’s Dual concept on the other hand, was a sophisticated two-in-one, split personality fragrance that hugely impressed the scent arseholes. The unique bottle design was magnificent, giving it a distinctive classy look that anyone would want to be associated with. Unfortunately, it also cost 50 times the price of the actual aftershave so when it came to boardroom time Alex and Helene got fired behind this remarkable piece of business blindness. This set up a tense climax between Lee and Claire with Sugar agonising unconvincingly over a decision he had probably made weeks ago figuring that Lee would be less of a pain in the arse in the long run.

It’s been another good series for The Apprentice, the show recording its highest viewing figures of the entire run. It doesn’t change a great deal from season to season because they know the formula of idiots under pressure produces consistently good results. Whether this actually raises awareness of business issues, as Sugar hopes, is debatable. But it certainly is the gold standard for reality TV at the moment. Somehow, inexplicably, it feels like it matters.

The best thing about it: Margaret and Nick.

The worst thing about it: Karren Brady interviewing? Have they lost their minds?

The verdict on The Apprentice Series 4 Finale: The righteous triumph.

Marks out of 10: 8