Weeds Season 5 Premiere

Showtime

 

I had almost forgotten about Weeds. It seemed to be gone forever. I am so glad to have Andy, Shane, Silas, Celia and Doug back. But most of all Nancy. Beautiful, amoral, sexy, spanky Nancy. Mom gone bad, adrenaline junkie, drug trafficking Nancy. TV was not the same without you, sweetpea – you wouldn’t believe the gimps they’ve had in your place. You’re an impossible slutbag but we like having you around. You always come through. Even at the end of season four when Esteban, your  Mexican mayor/gangster boyfriend, is about to kill you for snitching on the cartel you pull out your trump card – the ultrasound scan of the baby you are carrying. It feels like a boy you tell him. May your first child be a masculine child, Don Corleone. It’s enough to save your life — for now. But ask yourself: is it really worth saving?

“When he’s not masturbating over naked photos of you, Shane is having orgies with suicide girls and when he’s not fucking a replacement mom twice his age, Silas wants his own pot growing operation.”

Because Nancy, my pretty little milf, your shit is fucked up. You have two sons you raised on drug money. When he’s not masturbating over naked photos of you, Shane is having orgies with suicide girls and when he’s not fucking a replacement mom twice his age, Silas wants his own pot growing operation. They don’t really think of you as a mother any more and you can’t really blame them. There are only so many lines you can cross as a parent before you lose all credibility and Nancy the authority figure left town so long time ago the townsfolk barely remember her.

But there’s always Andy, your dead husband’s brother. He’s been like a parent to them which is more than you’ve been recently. He’s in love with you and you don’t know how to take that. You don’t make good choices with men. Andy understands this.”Just because you’ve been a slutty irresponsible slutty slut who had unprotected sex with a Mexican gangster, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?” he tells you. Thank god somebody understands.

The DEA on one side, the cartel on the other. It’s understandable that family takes a backseat these days. You started dealing to support them and discovered you had a knack for it. That meticulous eye for detail, that vision, that ambition, that flair. And most of all that little-something-missing in the conscience department. That oh so precious ethical blind spot that makes you the criminal you are.

“That meticulous eye for detail, but most of all that little something missing in the conscience department. That oh so precious ethical blind spot that makes you the criminal you are.”

Your 3 sons will be orphans in nine months. You’re carrying your killer’s child. Once you deliver his son you’re a dead woman and you know this. Andy has a plan: everybody flees to Copenhagen – the Mexican Mafia won’t find you there. A pregnant drug trafficker takes her family 5000 miles to a country she doesn’t know where she doesn’t speak the language. Sounds like a plan but what is it that you actually want?

Nancy, you brilliant, stupid, slutty slut we hardly knew you.

The best thing about it: Mary Louise Parker still looks p.d. good.

The worst thing about it: I’m still not sure what Silas is for these days.

The verdict on Weeds Season 5 Premiere: A  necessary evil.

Marks out of 10: 8

Imagined: 12th June 2009