Channel 4
As we begin some American salt receives a phone call, pops out for a drive then murder-suicides his family. Nothing unusual about that you might think. The death cult called the United States of America sees about 1400 of these a day and bats less of an eyelid than Lesley Gash when Lee Chapman arrives home in one of his “special moods”. And yet this mope is different as he’s a sleeper agent brainwashed by The Network to retrieve canisters of Russian flu Aids before offing themselves and their brethren. Some will spray populous areas with the virus but not apparently this guy unless he did and the budget didn’t stretch to showing it.
In an uncharacteristic piece of proactive thinking Becky and crew take steps to decipher what the flipping flip Dead Philip Carvel is talking about and hire a Romanian translator. Touchy fuck, this one. He plays the race card as often as that big tub of shit Diane Abbott and about as effectively. It turns out Philip speakee da perfectly good English and having dodged the gas chambers at Belzec as a child knows a thing or two about having to make the difficult decisions to make the planet a better place. He informs them of the terrible adjustment he made to his Anus. He singled out a race to annihilate. Everyone looks at Becky and silently thinks “please make it the Welsh”.
Over in the slow learner class Arby secures Tess and Amanda’s future paradise looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives in an Albanian shitbox by agreeing to deliver the fugitives to Lee. Once he learns that daddy Philip is still alive though he opts to take him and Grant into his custody and like THAT he’s Audi 5000.
He singled out a race to annihilate. Everyone looks at Becky and silently thinks “please make it the Welsh”.
That Ginger Gash meanwhile is still schooling Wilson in the finer points of moral relativism. She introduces him to a brer completely on board with sweeping a few hundred million deaths under the carpet. Wilson is OK with that. She asks him to kill Ian’s shit brother and the two MI5 cocksmokers guarding him. Wilson is OK with that and he executes the request like an entry-level manoeuvre on Doom. Credit where it’s doo-doo, he’s a pretty good shot for someone with no depth perception.
In other news Jessica fucks Ian when he pays a visit to Dugdale’s. “I like my eggs scrambled, like my ovaries” she tells him. He’s not sure how to take this development. He has the option of the affections of a sexually attractive woman or Becky. Yeah, real Sophie’s Choice there fuckface. When Milner shows up unexpectedly she is able to buy a stay of execution from Jessica by telling her that her Pops is still alive.
Father daughter reunion? Oh we’re all over that action.
The verdict: My big fat Gypsy funeral.
Marks out of 10: 7.5