The Man with the 10-Stone Testicles
Channel 4
Much has been written on The Man with the 10-Stone Testicles, Wesley Warren Jr and the contents of a man’s scrotum have not been subject to this much speculation since Adolf Hitler. One day Warren sat up in bed too quickly and caught his nads awkwardly which led to the scrotal lymphedema that grew unburdened month by month for 5 years. 10 stones. That’s the same weight as Ricky Hatton.
Much has been written on The Man with the 10-Stone Testicles, Wesley Warren Jr and the contents of a man’s scrotum have not been subject to this much speculation since Adolf Hitler.
Watching Warren swing his huge elephant skin nuts around, it was impossible not to feel sympathy for him. He’s remarkably good-humoured in the face of the cruel humiliating disability but the Ricky Hatton between his legs will soon be a Carl Froch and before you know it we’ll be looking at Herbie Hide and no way can he afford to pay for the insanely expensive surgery he needs. A media fundraising campaign backfires when a catty journalist writes that he’s addicted to the fame. Then the federal government stop his benefits.
His aunt blames Satan but Satan’s not taking his calls. Enter Dr Joel Gelman. The Californian urologist has seen everything but he’s never seen this. When it becomes clear Warren can’t raise the funds Gelman offers to do the surgery for free. This will be his Guernica, his Ulysses, his Three Gorges Dam – nothing can stop his grand design.
Enter Dr Joel Gelman. The Californian urologist has seen everything but he’s never seen this. When it becomes clear Warren can’t raise the funds Gelman offers to do the surgery for free. This will be his Guernica, his Ulysses, his Three Gorges Dam – nothing can stop his grand design.
Three surgeons work on Warren for 8 hours, cutting away meticulously at the excess tissue before they find his cock and balls buried deep beneath. When they find his testicles two of them clink the balls together and say “cheers!” which I imagine is the kind of humour you get a lot inside operating theatres but even so: moment of silence please.
Incredibly the surgery is a success and Warren is soon walking rather than waddling around town without the attendant stares of people not unreasonably wondering “what’s that bloke with the 140 lb nutsack’s story?” The devotion of his best friend Monique throughout his five-year ordeal was something you don’t see every day, much like the giant diseased severed scrotum currently languishing in a specially made pickled onion jar in a pathology lab somewhere in California right now.
The verdict: There’s only one Ricky Hatton, fortunately for Warren.
Marks out of 10: 7
