Sex Addict

Channel 4

The modern world is filled with made up illnesses. Body dysmorphia syndrome, post traumatic stress disorder, the Aids – so-called illnesses with no evidence to back up their existence whatsoever. We have a culture of dependency. It’s like in this modern world we need a pill for everything.

In the future, there WILL be a pill for everything. Breakfast will come in the form of several fruit-flavoured pills and you’ll pour gravy over them.

"The modern world is filled with made up illnesses. Body dysmorphia syndrome, post traumatic stress disorder, the Aids."

But in the meantime we have to make do with our socially constructed pathology. Sucks to be us, eh?

Sex addiction is one such disorder. Formerly the preserve of ageing Hollywood lechers (Michael Douglas) and troubled comedians (Steve Coogan) the democratisation of pain means that everyone can be an addict. It’s practically encouraged.

Sex Addict (part of 4’s Dark Side Of Modern Love series) explored walking moustache Mark‘s battle with his wayward Johnson. His understanding wife Connie buckles up for the ride – phone sex lines, fuck buddies and porn have blighted their marriage. Mark and Connie undergo an intensive counselling course from Dr Doug Weiss – a sleazy cheesy psychologist. He surprises them in the first session with a polygraph test to show what a lying turd Mark is.

“Unless he’s moonlighting as a cum bucket on the gay scene then you’ve got about as much chance as being struck by a falling gas stove filled with shit.”

Dr Doug has been a "recovering sex addict" for 18 years so he feels their pain. All the time.

Connie spoke of how things were great before they got married. "But the very day that ring went on my finger it all stopped" she reveals. Testify, sister!

For a sex addict, it seems like Mark was doing remarkably well resisting his wife. "We had sex seven times in six years – and two of those times I got pregnant."

Let’s be honest about this, if Mark was getting good pussy at home he wouldn’t have to fuck his life up by chasing tail all round town.

Connie is a real pain in the arse. She’s a total crybaby who they film driving around like a lunatic, bawling her eyes out saying things like "the worst thing would be if I got Aids!!!!". Moustache boy has fucked about five women. Unless he’s moonlighting as a cum bucket on the gay scene then you’ve got about as much chance of being struck by a falling gas stove filled with shit. Learn something about infection and the laws of probability, cracker ass cracker.

She gets more pikey as the programme goes on: "I let you back into my mind, my heart, my soul – my FUCKEN body"

"Dr Doug encourages Connie to take out her anger at Mark by hitting a giant cube with a big blue cosh. Remarkably, it makes no difference"

Yeah, alright don’t go on about it. She gets all pissy because Mark was phoning sex lines on their honeymoon. You fear all is not well here.

Dr Doug encourages Connie to take out her anger at Mark by hitting a giant cube with a big blue cosh. Remarkably, it makes no difference.

The Doc is a crazed preacher in his spare time and he insists the couple pray together in front of him and have empty chair conversations with Jesus. Jesus held his counsel on sex addiction but it’s believed he would have it down as A Bad Thing.

The addiction model of social behaviour gives a useful alibi for some pretty rotten behaviour.
Does sex addiction really exist? I don’t really care. There are different models of viewing the world which have their good and bad points and varying explanatory power. What’s interesting is the way we view the world influences our own behaviour.

Thinking that you have an addiction gives you a sense of entitlement – Love Is the Drug and I need to score. It’s a seductive logic.

Of course Channel 4 are increasingly becoming the poor man’s Channel 5 with its sordid obsession with sex and filth. Producing increasingly dreary documentaries about Americans rutting seems to be habit-forming – maybe they need to take a trip to Dr Doug?

The best thing about it: Potty mouth Connie revealing her cracker roots.

The worst thing about it: Weird God bothering shrink.

The verdict on Sex Addict: There’s nothing there.

Marks out of 10: 5