The growing Smartwatch market is potentially worth billions which explains the headlong rush Samsung have made into getting out their Galaxy Gear concept. The market is also potentially worth the square root of fuck all which explains the fear and desperation in their ad campaign. When under pressure ad men will return to the staples and here they’ve returned to the warm tight embrace of pussy, where all things begin and so many end.
A Nordic every holer is sandwiched between two male models on a ski lift – one has a Smartwatch, one has a shitty old Smartphone. Smartwatch immediately bids her to speak her phone number into his voice-activated phone book while Smartphone fumbles like an England cricket fielder sending his phone plummeting into the frozen wastes below. The Nord gets a call. “Hey pretty lady!” says Smartwatch – from right beside her! If her vagina hadn’t frozen to the seat she’d be sliding off it right now.
If her vagina hadn’t frozen to the seat she’d be sliding off it right now.
It’s on between Smartwatch and Nord. He stalks her as she snow surfs down the slopes, taking photos with his watch. Some après-ski gadget wanking later and she’s his, all his as a fuming Smartphone looks on. Later, when she’s tied up in his cabin he will be able to film her murder on his watch and it happened on Samsung’s watch, literally and figuratively. Her dissected body parts will be found in seven different locations.
Good work Samsung, you just created the Winter Olympics Luka Magnotta.