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When we left Mammon Age Haugen had just pulled the ‘catch a bullet with your cranium’ trick. Now that Peter stands like a dick in a wetsuit with a dead cocksmoker at his feet he has to think fast. He tells Eva to GTFO then feeds the cops some bullshit story about Haugen meeting up for a chat then driving over the cliff. At Aftenavisen there’s a meeting where he makes his case to editurd Frank (Nils Ole Oftebro). He wants back on the team but Chief Editor (Vidar Sandem) thinks he knows in the region of jack shit about Haugen. He launches Peter through the window then gives Inger Marie (Anna Bache-Wiig) and crew three days to produce the best Saturday edition ever. No pressure. Giving a story to rivals Times World didn’t help Peter’s chances of employment but he can kill that noise by embarking upon some fantastic investigations of his own.
Peter stands like a dick in a wetsuit with a dead cocksmoker at his feet and has to think fast.
First stop: Father Dad (Terje Strømdahl). Pops reveals CCTV footage of Daniel in the church on the day of his suicide, screaming like a bairn at a painting of Abraham about to gut his son Isaac – a painting he donated. So either dead Dan was a late blooming art critic or the painting had some special kind of meaning for him.
It also seems that somewhere in the gap between Daniel’s death and Haugen’s Peter was putting his cock in Vibeke for three whole years and when he finally gets some face time with the dame she tells him she’s got some weird disease that means she can’t go out. Yeah, turdly ex-borefriend syndrome is a bastard.
Also sleeping alone is Haugen’s widow Yvonne (Andrea Bræin Hovig) and she invites Peter over to remind herself what it’s like to be alone in a room with a strange man. She wants answers about her shit dead husbland. Don’t we all? He left her faaaaaaake passports, molto kroner and told her to scarper if anything happened to him. Best man at their wedding and Minister of Justice Terje Hjort (Håkon Ramstad) has told Yvonne to keep schtum about their friendship so you know he’s shady as all get-out.
When Peter mentions Age’s Rosebud “Abraham” Yvonne shows him an oil painting of their freaky Peter Lorre looking son that Age called Abraham. I dunno man. I’m starting to think that “Abraham” some kind of significance in the story wotufink?
Meanwhile Inger Marie drives to Haugen’s old workplace Paragon where he worked closely with a character called Tom Lied back in the day. She discovers how Lied “fucked off and five years later he was worth several billion kroner”. In sterling that’s about £324 but still – a tidy sum. Inger Marie discovers a downturn in the company’s fortunes in 2008, right around when Daniel died. An investigative journalist might find that suspicious.
Peter certainly finds it suspicious when a bloodstained photo of nausey Andreas turns up inside his fridge quickly followed by a mysterious assailant putting an almighty smackdown on him before legging it. It was nausey Andreas himself who stuck the photo in the fridge as some kind of weird “stop taking photos of us you twat” statement but it was not he who smacked Peter about. The list of people who want to punch him in the face is quite a long one so good luck with solving that.
The list of people who want to punch him in the face is quite a long one so good luck with solving that.
And get this: Andreas has a birthmark in the Ed Zachary same spot as Abraham’s son in Daniel’s shitty church painting. On the painting are the digits 1/22/10. That’s a Bible verse right, Father Dad? Genesis, chapturd 22. “And lo the angel of the Lord said to Abraham ‘LOL jk – don’t kill your son. Now I know you fear the Lord and shit'”.
AND it references October 22! When Haugen took a skydive! And Daniel ate a bullet! If you don’t love scripture inspired suicide then frankly I can’t do nothing for you, man. Peter thinks Daniel and Haugen were forced to off themselves after threats to their sons. I mean that would somewhat explain all the Abraham stuff right? But who is behind it all? And why is corporate fraud so complicated in this country?
The verdict: Isn’t the point of Abraham that he was willing to kill his son? That’s not quite the same as willing to take your own life to save his is it? Some would say it’s the total opposite. People really need to think about these things before doing their shitty paintings and committing their shitty suicides.
Marks out of 10: 7.5