Operation ‘Get Brony into Iraq’ is go. His military colleagues are giving him classic bantz about being a Marine, referring to him as Jarhead. He chuckles to himself knowing full well that he’ll one day suicide bomb them all into oblivion. But for now they are as one. It’s just their luck that corrupt Iraqi police stop them and notice the World’s Most Wanted in their backseat. Their response – shooting all the cops in the face – is a temporary solution at best and it sends Brony into a freak out. In a scene reminiscent of the hysterical woman in Airplane Texas Azizi calms him down and drives him towards the border. Yes there are a few unexplained dead coppers on the ground but it looks like they’re over the worst. Should be very much plain sailing from here on in.
He chuckles to himself knowing full well that he’ll one day suicide bomb them all into oblivion.
Oh mate. Mate. Azizi’s only gone and driven over a landmine and blown the entire jeep in two. Brony escapes with a sprained vagina but Azizi is now minus a leg. As Brony administers first aid Iraqi patrols attracted by the blast start peppering the area with gunfire. Back in the war room Saul is eye rolling so hard it looks like he’s having an oculogyric crisis. The mission is fucked and he hands over to the army Chief of Staff who orders Hell Strike on the caper and a swift GTFO. A dejected Saul retreats to lick his wounds.
Oh mate. Mate. Azizi’s only gone and driven over a landmine and blown the entire jeep in two.
But if you think that’s the end of it then you don’t know Dickless Brony like I know Dickless Brony. Running through bullets like Camouflage bringing his homeboy Yousef along for the ride. Iranian soldiers welcome him at gunpoint. “I’m Dickless Brony!” he yells “I’m wanted for the Langley bombing” (he omits “but I never done it!” as that would queer the whole deal).
“I’m Dickless Brony!” he yells “I’m wanted for the Langley bombing” (he omits “but I never done it!” as that would queer the whole deal).
They’re in. Carrie is doing laps of the war room screaming “whoop-whoop!” and “Up yours, Senator Fuckface!” Even Saul permits himself a celebratory stick of Blackjack. Brony and Yousef are in a room that looks very much like a converted latrine that has yet to be converted. Yousef wonders how long he’ll have to withstand his inevitable torture to give Brony enough time to assassinate the Revolutionary Guard durka. Brony tells him that he cracked after about 7 days, give or take. Useless gulps and prepares himself for the worst week of his life.
They’re in. Carrie is doing laps of the war room screaming “whoop-whoop!” and “Up yours, Senator Fuckface!”
They have a visitor. It’s Javadi! Boy, is it good to see them? The good news for Useless is that he won’t be being tortured. The bad news is Javadi shoots his head clean off his shoulders. Fair enough I suppose – no loose ends and all that. He tells Brony to buck up – they’re off to Tehran. Time for Dickless to make like Lee Harvey Oswald and be a lone assassin. Never a dull moment for that soulless ginger freak.
The verdict: This was an awfully strange Marine.
Marks out of 10: 7.5