I’m not saying Overton is the dullest place on the planet, that suicide is the only ethical option for its inhabitants or that what’s-his-face was murdered out of pure boredom. Equally, I’m not NOT saying that. But put it this way: any town where Warwick Farm pheasant shoot is circled in red on the calendar is probably best obliterated. Jackie‘s not really up for it after “drugs could ruin my career” Tina took a dive in the big race last week but James can’t get enough of murdering innocent animals and looks forward to the pheasant shoot like ESPN’s Fat Dan Rafael looks forward to lunch.
Of course the moment someone starts enjoying themselves Rob the Nob comes along and fucks it up. After convincing himself that it’s James sending him the videos he spikes his coffee with three tabs of acid. Soon enough he’s tripping balls like Hawkwind and hallucinates Dead Cal. Seems like they were bumming each other like crazy and fully intended going on a nationwide bumming tour before Cal’s untimely death. Reminiscing makes Lames a bit sad and to cheer himself up he puts his shoe on Rob a few dozen times. The universe applauds appreciatively.
To cheer himself up Lames puts his shoe on Rob a few dozen times. The universe applauds appreciatively.
It’s been a few days since Ruth the Slut’s Daughter‘s stumbled over a dead body so she’s understandably bored out of her frigging gourd. Crushed under a mountain of paperwork at the station she decides to begin her own investigation. The doozy she turns up is that there’s some old twat in the woods running the world’s worst youth club for Romany kids. And get this: she discovers a White Tree keyring! No idea but it leads to the solid conclusion that James literally fucked Cal to death. He’s quite rightly arrested for it. It’s just bang out of order.
Over in the horsey world Tina has a run out at Greenfields stable where they can see for themselves her jockey genius. Afterwards she and Eli spend 15 minutes attempting to make out that all they get are some shitty nose rubs. Tina runs away in embarrassment and it’s revealed she has a really weird arse.
You totally would though and later Eli totally does. After 29 attempts at putting his cock in her he finally gets lucky. She breaks his hymen and he has a little cry afterwards as she holds him. “You’re a real little bitch aren’t you?” she says. He nods quietly and she sighs as she wonders when she’ll ever actually have sex with a grown man.
The verdict: But you’re till fucking pheasants as far as I can see.
Marks out of 10: 7.5