BBC Three
Now that In the Flesh has firmly established that there’s just no place for a beat shiteing man Kieren‘s pissing off to France which is a big relief to everyone. Unfortunately for him and for us Maxine the Black Racist has introduced a travel ban on the partially deceased and Shawty hasn’t stopped there. She introduces Roarton to the PDS Giveback Scheme – a six month rolling slavery contract so evil it’s amazing David Cuntmoron didn’t think of it first. The idea of working indefinitely for free doesn’t sit well with Kieren and you can almost feel the first stirrings of radicalisation in what passes for his mind. Oppressive legislation has an equal and opposite reaction. Will you heartless politicians never learn?
Nausey Amy is fitting a lot – migraines, blackouts and the shakes so hopefully she’ll be dead soon. She goes to the doc and tells him she’s been dosing up with bootleg neurotriptyline hooch at the ULA camp. He tells us to stop being such a dozy tart and get the real stuff inside her. That council cocksmoker wants to put his cock in her and that’s a better demonstration of his psychological impairment than any spree killing.
The PDS Giveback Scheme – a six month rolling slavery contract so evil it’s amazing David Cuntmoron didn’t think of it first.
Even Irish Hymen doesn’t seem that fussed about her and after bonding with Kieren over favourite suicide methods there seems significant evidence that he is more of a rabid cock addict than Sister Joan on The Crimson Field and that’s a LOT.
Over in the world of grown women struggling to pass their GCSEs Jem’s still PTSDing and nightmareing, pissing the bed like Craig David on Bo Selecta. Things look up at school though when that Little Ginger Freak tells everyone she’s an ex-HVF hero, and after wowing the class with tales of her uprising derring-do she makes some fabulous new friends. Things take a downturn however when Little Ginger Freak snorts a line of Blue Oblivion, sending him on an undead rampage through the corridors. The class push Jem out to deal with the gonk and she takes firm control of the situation by pissing herself in front of everyone. It’s not quite the outcome she was hoping for. Turns out she also killed one of the new friends’ dad when he was a zombie. So yeah, not her best day.
Gary takes her for a patrol to cheer her up and she takes it out on that Little Ginger Freak by shooting him in the face and they laugh over his pale chalky corpse.
Better dead than red, right?
The verdict: Can’t imagine a world without pee.
Marks out of 10: 6