Sundance
It’s a sunny day and he’s a free man so Killer Dan‘s off to Atlanta: home of the Falcons, Andre 3000 and his fellow serial killer Wayne Williams. He Rain Mans his way across town, dodging hipsters, police sirens and trolling tour guides. In the art gallery he meets an old broad called Peggy and like most murderers he lies about his name introducing himself as Donald. Ted Bundy used ‘Richard Burton’. Some serious first-level creativity going on there.
Nonetheless with the superficial charm common to sociopaths Daniel wins over Peggy and she invites him for drinks with her crew. She introduces him to her friends: Fluorine, Formaldehyde, Vascular Dementia, Oestrogen Deficiency and Osteoporosis – a swell bunch of gals. The drinks go so well he decides not to kill them all. “I prefer younger meat” he tells them as he tucks into his veal panini. They laugh uproariously, unaware of the terrible fate they have all narrowly avoided.
As a completely last-minute thing he decides to visit Kerwin the baby killer‘s family. There are no baby girls around because Kerwin killed them all. Weirdly Ray “Voodoo” Tatum from Friday Night Lights is pretending to be Kerwin’s brother. Ma dukes insists that Kerwin was a decent man if you ignore all the baby killing and Daniel agrees. “He wuz maaaah friend” he slurs. “Fucking Forrest Gump over here” says the mother before quickly showing him the door.
“He wuz maaaah friend” slurs Daniel. “Fucking Forrest Gump over here” says the mother before quickly showing him the door.
In Ted and Tawney‘s house of fun he’s riding her for viciously agreeing to do exactly as he said, signing the loan paperwork for his revolutionary Rigs for Jigs concept. He’s also got a sprained vagina over her feelings for Daniel. As loveless as he is trouserless he looks a proper tit. And yet when their friends Ken and Barbie come round Ted puts on his Hank Schrader everything is FINE barbecue face. But it isn’t. Even Ken has figured out Ted’s attempt to turn Paulie into Detroit is an effing train crash waiting to happen. Poor Ted. Ted sad.
Later he tries to get a drunken ride off the wife but she nixes it as the thought of his underwhelming semi ineptly pounding away at her doesn’t exactly butter her muffin. “Ain’t you ever gonna be satisfied?” he snarls. “With that 3 inch whiskey dick?” she responds “Unlikely”. He STFU after that. He does find time to grass Daniel up to Sheriff Dagnabit for the choking out incident, judiciously leaving out the unchristian victim shaming that preceded it. Let’s see you get THAT one vacated Dan. As a result we get to hear about Ted’s “general crack area” which is a sentence I hope I’m not writing again in a hurry.
We get to hear about Ted’s “general crack area” which is a sentence I hope I’m not writing again in a hurry.
Angry Amantha meanwhile packs for Atlanta telling her mother “I don’t belong here”. She’s right – she’s a broad and they get killed in Paulie, particularly if they know Daniel. Janet talks her out of it after not so subtly pressuring her to it in the first place. Amantha realises that it’s time for her to sort her life out – get out of the rut she’s allowed herself to get into, take the bull by the horns and focus on her career.
So she applies for a job at the shitbox convenience store. She literally believes she is living the lyrics of Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car. She aces the interview saying things like “I said ‘somebody’s got to take care of him’ – so I quit school that’s what I did'” and the job at Thrifty Town is hers. She is now officially the success of the family. Janet is so proud.
In other news Dan makes a start on the kitchen – in the way that Hitler “made a start” on Eastern Europe. Stripping, battering and pummelling into a pulp. He looks up expectantly as mom arrives and views his handiwork. “Oh for the love of fuck” she says. Daniel smiles broadly. FINALLY he’s done something right.
The verdict: Leave tonight or live and die this way.
Marks out of 10: 8