BBC Three
Who hasn’t wanted to murder a magician at some point? At heart every one of them is G.O.B. Bluth and not in any kind of good way. Killer Magic forces five young magicians to do their shitty tricks then makes the shittiest take part in a potentially fatal trick that has fucked up magicians in the past. This is not the first BBC show to endanger the lives of its participants. Noel Edmonds’ Late Late Breakfast Show regularly press-ganged its viewers into death-defying stunts until one of them became death-causing. Our magicians have Spice Girl type handles loosely related to their stage personas. Ben Hart, The Gent; Dee Christopher, The Goth; Damien O’Brien, The Geezer; Jasz Vegas, The Girl (because she’s a girl) and Chris Cox, The Geek. With a bit of luck this will end up being like Harper’s Island – a minimum of a death of week.
The heroes score each other out of 10 for their performance with the lowest scoring turd pushed into the punishment trick. This week it’s the infamous catching a bullet in your teeth turn. The stunt has been responsible for the death of 12 magicians which seems a disappointingly low number. Scrotal herpes has killed 400 hundred of the teeds. Generally the prospect of imminent death would raise the stakes but because the life of a magician is empirically worthless everything is pretty low-key.
The stunt has been responsible for the death of 12 magicians which seems a disappointingly low number.
They each must perform a trick based on the theme of food. Damien gets a signed playing card into a battered cod (32/40). Ben strips in an Ice Hotel and cooks an egg in his boxers (33/40). Chris guesses a fat girl’s dream meal and gets her a date with Hymen Webbe from Blew (29/40). Dee The Goth incorporates faked titted nause Imogen Thomas from Big Brother for a frog in the blender Russian Roulette effort that has no real relation to food (27/40).
Jasz takes a different approach doing a hidden camera thing in a restaurant. She plays the trick on Adam, a man who thinks he’s on a dinner date with her. Yeah don’t worry about incel rage Jizz the important thing is your performance. She eats flowers, a wine glass and makes a start on her plate before levitating out of her chair. This is pretty funny to be fair – a lot funnier when it is revealed that Adam committed suicide later that night. Jizz earns every one of her 29/40.
This is pretty funny to be fair – a lot funnier when it is revealed that Adam committed suicide later that night.
So top scorer Ben shoots low scorer Dee in the mouth with a paintball both of them assiduously ignoring the homoerotic subtext. It goes fine. Well of course it does. Like the BBC is going to improve the gene pool by icing any of these fucks.
The verdict: And for my next trick: I will make ratings PLUMMET.
Marks out of 10: 6