Keys To The Vip

The Comedy Network

Aerial Telly be loving the ladies and the ladies be loving him right back. He is phenomenally successful with women and consistently demonstrates a deep sensitivity to their needs. He intuitively understands them, their hopes, their aspirations, their difficulties with "men" like you and is immediately a powerful calming force in their lives. He is the rock upon which they rebuild their shattered self-esteem. The ladies can’t believe their luck. Can this handsome, talented, smooth-talking bastard also get them like no other man ever has? Jesus, what if he’s good in bed as well? A rhetorical question they are soon answering themselves with "oh God, yes!!! yeeeeessss! yeeeaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!" and that’s just when he agrees to come inside for a coffee. The central point is that Aerial Telly says ‘peace’ to cats who rock mack knowledge, knowledgists, street astrologists light up the mic god, knowledge this.

"Aerial Telly is phenomenally successful with women and consistently demonstrates a deep sensitivity to their needs."

Cats like the Keys To The Vip crew – a kind of Krypton Factor for poon hounds. Each week two players go head-to-head in a series of three challenges related to chatting up women and getting their phone numbers under time constraints while hidden cameras film the action – the winner earning a night in a champagne fuelled VIP Lounge, where it’s just them, the girls and an idiot film crew.

“Chris’s fixation on poetry and integrity would have seen him get less ass than a software developer were it not for his model good looks and financial success.”

The players performances are dissected by a panel of four experts in the studio. There’s Alen, the calculating Don Juan who cuts through the flannel and tells you exactly where it’s at; Chris, the traditional romantic of the four whose fixation on poetry and integrity would have seen him get less ass than a software developer were it not for his model good looks and financial success; Peachez – a slick talking frat-boy brother who honed his pick up skills out in the field and finally Sheldon, the suave contrarian who holds his own counsel and often wields the deciding vote on the panel. Brickbats and plaudits flow freely from the Keys To The Vip panel and it’s a raucous, unforgiving audience for the players out on the frontline. But they give credit where it’s due and there’s a general understanding that we’re all on the same side here.

"The players run from oily sleazeballs to cultured sophistimacks, some getting by on scientific technique others on balls and enthusiasm"

The show does a good job of conveying the excitement and terror* of approaching women in night clubs. The players are set tasks such as acquiring a woman’s phone number after having opened the conversation by insulting her shoes or using the target’s phone to break-up with an imaginary girlfriend in front of the target then getting the target’s number. Everyday stuff, then. The players run from oily sleazeballs to cultured sophistimacks, some getting by on scientific technique, others on balls and enthusiasm. The first two challenges are always split between the pair to set up the tie-breaker in the third. You immediately find yourself rooting for one or the other of the pick up artists and one of the joys of the show is watching an apparently hopeless situation being turned around by a flash of pick up genius.

“Perhaps it’s just the first conversation in a dialogue between males that will work towards answering what it means to be a man.”

Post Neil Strauss‘s The Game the fascination with pick up technique is becoming an increasing feature of our culture. Some believe this to be the start of a burgeoning men’s movement. Perhaps it’s just the first conversation in a dialogue between males that will work towards answering what it means to be a man. Aerial Telly already knows the answer but isn’t telling. However, there are clues littered throughout this site. It is down to your own application and dedication whether you choose to search these out and go from being a "man" to a being a Man. It’s a shame this show is only broadcast on the Comedy Network in Canada but episodes are available on Youtube. Check the shit out, hombre.

The best thing about it: It’s a rare glimpse into the dating game from a male perspective

The worst thing about it: It’s fairly well hidden out there on Canadian cable.

The verdict on Keys To The Vip : Return of the mack.

Marks out of 10: 7.5

* Terror for you, that is. Aerial Telly fears no one and no thing.