BBC Three
In what is one of the more disturbing scenes of In the Flesh Philip the council cocksucker jerks off over Nausey Amy as if she were some kind of sexually attractive woman. His grisly necrophile fantasy reel is disturbed by Mrs Lonsdale the little ginger freak’s mom pissing in his ear about the missing red gash at the centre of her being. For a quiet life he agrees to raise the issue at the meeting later. He misses that particular appointment as he’s too busy having it away at the undead bordello but Mrs Lonsdale turns up and rides Maxine the black racist about the lack of official action over her missing spawn. Maxine quietly tells Philip to spin her a line about her son being a ginger terrorist like Martin McGuinness. Not for the first time Philip has a few ethical issues with the idea.
But he has bigger problems on his plate than the slander of a dead child. Cartoon religious zealot Mrs Lamb video records his visits to the rotter knocking shop and you can just imagine the damage that could do (psychologically to anybody just watch him sticking it to a barely animated cadaver). He tries to destroy the tape before Maxine gets to it but she’s too black, too slick for him and once she finishes fapping over it she confronts him with the evidence. Happily she just ends up blackmailing him into spinning the terrorist line to Mrs Lonsdale which is getting off pretty lightly all things considered.
Philip the council cocksucker jerks off over Nausey Amy as if she were some kind of sexually attractive woman.
Back in the world’s least convincing love triangle Nausey Amy finally suspects something’s going on with Kieren and Hymen when she sees them kissing ON THE LIPS. “That’s it!” she epiphanys “They’re rehearsing for a play together. Those guys!” In fact they are off to Sunday lunch at Kieren’s folks – well, to watch Kieren’s folks eat Sunday lunch in any case. Hymen’s all humaned up with his Uncle Tom make up – everything he despises – just to please Kieren and his new borefriend could not be more proud.
Trust Hot Jem the tard and Gary to spoil all that. They turn up pissed as cunts and Gary tells a hilarious anecdote about the pair of them slaughtering a rabid together bitd. Kieren gets the right hump. Afterwards, in a deeply symbolic act, he removes the contacts and the make-up. Dead, dead again at last. Looks like Gary’s brains are on the menu again.
In what is almost certainly going to be remembered as Roarton’s Stonewall riots Maxine and the rest of the inbred villagers bum rush the zombie whorehouse, kicking out the Johns and brasses with the puritan zeal you associate with murdering sociopaths. In a bold move Philip outs himself as a corpse fucker, giving a rousing speech defending the rotters, exhorting his audience to accept themselves and live with what they are. He’s such a council cocksucker. Nausey Amy is impressed though and he finally gets a ride off her which mercifully we don’t see.
In other news Maxine’s still talking to graves, Amy’s bleeding heavily from the nose like she’s living in Royston Vasey and two of Hymen’s groupies set free some rabids who then chomp on a skank. They really will give a BAFTA to any old shite these days.
The verdict: Let a ho be a ho.
Marks out of 10: 7