BBC Four
Squaring off against an international conspiracy they are too thick to understand may be currently occupying the Banks boys’ attention but at heart they are strictly about the poo-say. Jesse fucks Hani in a hot minute and while it’s unlikely that she’ll ever have a worse shag it’s another notch on his bedpost after that retarded girl he molested in the home for special kids. It certainly beats being tortured by Fat Malc. Ned completes a good couple of days for the Banks name by placing a deposit in Sophie. By which I mean his cock. He’s got an overdraft she’d like to see extended. ¹
Bolstered by his first taste of hackette tail Jesse hacks the cybercrime unit website and has some proper bantz for them accusing his torturers of torturing him. Can’t wait to hear their comeback to that one! Ned frets over his brother’s location particularly after Edan, one of his colleagues at Passturd discovers that Hani’s father works as a biochemist mack at Physanto. That could be an expensive piece of ass for Jesse.
It’s another notch on his bedpost after that retarded girl he molested in the home for special kids.
He’s a very wanted man, particularly now that Physanto’s biotech bad boy Andy King is gunning for him. He’d quite like the remaining half of the files off Jesse so he can flog them and head off into the sunset. International bastard Niko Gaelle is the man buying the info from King and he is not parting with a dime before the full package is in his possession.
Andy’s not so bad you know though. He visits their mother Mad Aggie to find out how the boys are doing. She’s so grateful for the company she gives up the location of the family’s holiday retreat which Jesse is currently turning into a fuckpad for the summer. Andy manages to hug her without killing her unlike last week’s slipup. I think he’s really growing.
Fortunately after a confused phone call from their mother Ned gets to Jesse first and tells him that as far as Hani is concerned the owls are not what they seem. He boots Ned out for this disgusting slander but when confronted Hani tearfully admits that she is indeed wearing a wire, that he was indeed an abysmal fuck and that only the imminent deportation and execution of her parents could make her do it.
It’s a tough blow for Jesse to take and there’s an even tougher one coming when Andy arrives and bounces his head off the combi bonnet. Don’t quote me on this but I think he might be after the Physanto files? Andy once took out an entire ward of Iraqi babies single-handedly so he’s not to be played with but an enraged Hani harpoons the cunt in the leg and leaves him bleeding like a little bitch. She and Jesse jump in the combi and dip with the quickness, knocking Andy 70 foot in the air in the process. When she gets a smart mouth about giving back the files he kicks her out of the van at 90 mph.
That’s the Banks boys in a nutshell. Findum, fuckum and flee.
The verdict: Don’t do the cybercrime if you can’t do the cybertime.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
¹ No idea.