Channel 4
Angel McKenzie made an impressively strange entrance into the Big Brother 2009 house to the boos of the Elstree hate mob and Aerial Telly, who sees all time in an instant, is not swayed by ephemera and can predict the movement of the primal herd with devastating accuracy, swiftly backed her at 40-1. He was beguiled by this tiny Russian boxer. She was different. She had lived, she had suffered, and unlike 90% of housemates she had picked up a fucking book in her life. She was classier than the others though this wasn’t difficult. But the most interesting thing about Angel was all the people she looked like.
“Day by day the famous people she resembled mounted up. If Aerial Telly were to quote them all it would read like Deuteronomy. It is easier to say who she doesn’t look like. Freddie ‘Parrot Face’ Davis, Laura ‘A-levels’ Spence and Steve ‘former Brighton manager’ Gritt.”
Some said a carbs starved Lisa Stansfield, others a shop damaged Isabella Rossellini. Some days she would be the split of Tina Fey, others Edward Scissorhands. Day by day the famous people she resembled mounted up. If Aerial Telly were to quote them all it would read like Deuteronomy. It is easier to say who she doesn’t look like. Freddie “Parrot Face” Davis, Laura “A-levels” Spence and Steve “former Brighton manager” Gritt: that’s it. Everyone else of even minor celebrity status looks like her in some way.
“Boxing is just a portion of her calling. Angel is certainly a fighter, just not very good one. She’s on a run of 15 consecutive defeats.”
It quickly became clear that Angel resembled whoever you wanted her to. Her lookalikes told you more about the percipient than the perceived. She was Angel – the human Rorschach test.
But who is the real Angel McKenzie? We know Angel is not her real name and her surname is taken from the boxing gym she trains in. Her website reveals her to be a polymath – a musician, poet, sculptress and entertainer. Boxing is just a portion of her calling. Angel is certainly a fighter, just not very good one. She’s on a run of 15 consecutive defeats.
She is clearly batshit crazy
“People” who “know” the “girl” speak of an entity very similar to the one inside the house: mercurial, obsessive, captivating – never easy to pin down. This is not an act for her – it’s what she is.
“You cannot have that gimp motherfucker Freddie walk away with the gong. You cannot have that vacuous himbo bully boy Kris prevailing. You cannot have that priggish ladyboy douchebag Rodrigo take centre stage. You cannot have that phoney jackeen Noirin flashing those teeth and tits come final night.”
Here’s the thing you barely sentient ape fucks. Angel McKenzie must win Big Brother 10 and not just because Aerial Telly stands to make a princely sum from her victory. You cannot have that gimp motherfucker Freddie walk away with the gong. You cannot have that vacuous himbo bully boy Kris prevailing. You cannot have that priggish ladyboy douchebag Rodrigo take centre stage. You cannot have that phoney jackeen Noirin flashing those teeth and tits come final night.
Angel McKenzie, Helen Hobbs, Elena Tchebotareva – call her what you will. This girl is the people’s champion. All understandings come down to this. Do not fight it. Resistance will be your end.