State of the TV Nation Address .

jamdog

20 years ago

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State of the TV Nation Address

Every damn where

"My fellow Americanos, blue jeans and chinos…"

Here at Aerial Telly, we love television about as much as it’s possible to without getting arrested for some kind of telephilia which Channel 4 will no doubt do a sensitive and understanding documentary about.

It’s been a fascinating period for those of us following the telebox. Lost exploded on to terrestrial tv, the god-like genius of Veronica Mars was granted a second series and Deadwood strode imperiously through its second season like some emigre Austrian countess flicking the ash from her cigarette holder over the peasants – there really is no TV show like it.

"Ethical question marks were again raised when deranged sex pest Craig bordered on a sexual assault of rectangle headed dancer Antnee"

Big Brother, a show made about morons and lauded by the intelligentsia once again careered its way through the summer. Ethical question marks were again raised when deranged sex pest Craig bordered on a sexual assault of rectangle headed dancer Antnee and flagcracking lunatic Kinga carried out a sexual assault on herself with a bottle of Blue Nun.

But the show’s future was never in doubt. Davina may be losing her mind but Big Brother swaggered through his 6th series more confidently than ever.

You can’t really thread TV together with a catch-all phrase like Reality TV. The canvas upon which TV is painted has altered dramatically. It’s gaudy, bright but surprisingly intelligent and self-aware. Always strange, often a little scary.

We had Escape to the Legion with its barely sentient midget Sergeant Glenn Ferguson pestering Aerial Telly with pedantry and wild unsubstantiated allegations of his heterosexuality.

Nigella Lawson entered the chat show arena in one of the weirdest little shows you’ll ever see proving how some people really need to be saved from themselves.

On the Web, Aerial Telly further tightened its stranglehold on the Internet TV review market becoming THE hang out for the sophisticated cathode-ray connoisseur. And yes, I said cathode-ray – Aerial Telly don’t rock that digital shit. We roll tight and hard and our shit comes down the pipe strictly analogue. Believe that.

"outweighing him by 45 stone might offer a physical advantage in the inevitable fistfight"

Here’s what we need MORE of in the next 12 months.

Deadwood, Veronica Mars, Doctor Who and Lost.

Derren Brown spectaculars.

Documentaries about war. I love that shit.

More documentaries made by fat manic depressives stalking that turd Peter Doherty in the hope that one of them realises that outweighing him by 45 stone might offer a physical advantage in the inevitable fistfight and breaks his fucking jaw.

Flagcracker and wine bottle=winning combination.

HBO fight nights like Barrera-Morales.

Here’s what we need LESS of in the next 12 months:

Shite adverts like HSBC and Nibble Nobby’s Nuts.

Stupid EastEnders storylines.

Self-regarding bollocks about Islam from BBC2.

Anything at all from one-trick pony Catherine Tate.

Any coverage at all of Pieface McArturd and her witless acolytes.

Desperate post-pub TV like Friday Night Project.

Fight nights covered by Showtime the (very) poor man’s HBO.

Channel 4 documentaries on the evils of bongo.

For all its shortcomings, frustrations and insanity, watching TV is still the most engaging, subversive cultural act any of us can partake of.