BBC Two
BBC Two controller from 1965 David Attenborough introduces Pop Goes BBC Two as if it were a nature documentary. I hate it when gumps do that. Giggling to themselves like tards as they say “the male of the species approaches…” as if they’re the only people in history ever to attempt it. 50 great moments to celebrate 50 great years of BBC Two coverage of popular music is the premise so there’s no unifying theme bar appearance on BBC Two and being something of consequence. Shall we kick off with some nice race music from the King of all Sir Duke? We shall and later we’ll see John Lee Hooker and some reggae carcass banging out the Hovis advert music on his tuba. How people of colour have contributed to popular music – significantly and in great volume. But let’s not pretend that they didn’t fuck it up sometimes as well. Who can forget the 1980s panic when everyone pretended to like Youssou N’Dour? Plop Goes BBC Poo will not allow us to and forces us to watch our crime like German POWs forced to watch footage of the Holocaust.
Plop Goes BBC Poo forces us to watch our crime like German POWs forced to watch footage of the Holocaust.
We see live performances of Eton Rifles and Common People, the two defining class anthems of British pop. Great American songwriters like Leontard Cohen and Poni Mitchell perform and then members of Fleetwood Mac reminisce fondly about the time Lindsey Fuckingham pelted after Stevie Nicks with murderous intent after she throttled him for pulling a pre-tour GTFO. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Soul! Al Green rolls up to Broadcasting House after his broad was shot to death and his voice shot to shit. Later Solomon Burke sits on his throne too fat to fuck, too exhausted to stand on Later with Stools singing Everybody Needs Somebody to Wipe Their Arse (When They Get This Big). What a grotesque tub of shit.
Indie! Marvel as The Smiths do This Charming Man, The Blown Roses get pissy with Tracy MacLeod, Blowasis demand credit for once living in a low income neighbourhood and Radiohead perform Paranoid Android, a song so complicated even they don’t understand how to play it.
Hip-hop! Thrill as Janet Street Porter fuckpit abysmorgue and world’s most embarrassing human Normski introduces A Tribe Called Quest lip syncing to Can I Kick It, Ice-T drops Lethal Weapon on the Late Show and Arena cover Afrika Bambaataa.
Dance! They don’t really do dance music because it’s illiterate savagery made by the worst people in the universe for the worst people in the universe. Oh well.
I’ve seen worse clip shows.
The verdict: No Fiona Apple= no credibility.
Marks out of 10: 7