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America’s Stoned Kids review | Bong for whoever

America's Stoned Kids

BBC2

What can documentary strand This World tell us about America’s Stoned Kids? It can tell us the legalisation of weed in Colorado has created an entire state of Jesse Pinkmans. There are more of those little rat fucks than ever before puffing on military grade chronic and clinical psychologist and addiction expert Professor John Marsden  is alarmed. He flies out to Denver to kick back with some skanks and smoke about a pound of the sticky icky see the extent of the problem himself. He visits dope nightspot Club 64, named after the law that brought it into being. It is America’s first legal cannabis club. Stoners pass bongs around freely and everyone is getting as baked as enemies of Uday Hussein. It’s quite a sight.

The Colorado journey started when medical marijuana became legal in the state. All of a sudden people saw respectable shopfronts sprouting up – special pharmacies licenced to dispense cannabis. Doctors were now prescribing it for all kinds of ailments the layman was highly uninformed on. We meet Chas who has a debilitating condition called madeup fluttermyasstis. Huge doses of marijuana are the only thing that work for him. Denver has suffered an epidemic of madeup fluttermyasstis rising from zero cases in the years before medical marijuana was legalised to 400,000 now. Doctors are baffled. Medical marijuana, it is acknowledged, is a stepping stone to full legalisation much like civil partnership is to gay marriage.

Denver has suffered an epidemic of madeup fluttermyasstis rising from zero cases in the years before medical marijuana was legalised to 400,000 now. Doctors are baffled.

You may well wonder how they pulled this off but the legalisation lobby are no mugs. They come highly organised and well-funded. Slick advertising campaigns focus on the benefits of tax revenue from marijuana businesses – picking the proceeds out of the pockets of criminals and ploughing them into the reconstruction of our schools. Legal marijuana is pro-business, pro-civic responsibility, pro-individual rights and pro-government. It’s got all the bases covered.

Legal marijuana is pro-business, pro-civic responsibility, pro-individual rights and pro-government. It’s got all the bases covered.

Well maybe not quite all. Psychiatrist Professor Paula Riggs cites a 38 year study of teenage marijuana use that indicates long-term neurocognitive decline in persistent users. That’s reductions in IQ from between 6 to 8 points, lower academic achievement and lower employment. “This is not a benign drug” she states bluntly. Some kids Marsden speaks to in drug rehab confirm the concerns. “Nggggg – I was just like, y’know – whatever man” says one. It’s a harrowing testimony.

Some kids Marsden speaks to in drug rehab confirm the concerns. “Nggggg – I was just like, y’know – whatever man” says one. It’s a harrowing testimony.

Look shitheads – cannabis mongs your brain if you overdo it or do it too young. Yes causal inferences are tough to draw and yes more research is needed but you need to stop being a tryhard dope teed and use what’s left of your mind to face facts: you’re at greater risk of schizophrenia, cancer and turning into a fat tub of shit who contributes nothing to society. Marsden does a decent job here although the programme does resemble the Brass Eye drugs special particularly when he’s talking about “Denver – the Mile High City”. Drug prohibition leads to a dangerous deregulated product, gun crime and narco states so experiments like Denver are totally valid, even necessary.

But don’t give me this shit about how it’s completely harmless and takes you to a magical pixie land where your worries are but memories. Everything worthwhile fucks you up somehow, as I was saying to your moms last night.

The verdict: Mild euphoria followed by a bleak ennui that never leaves.

Marks out of 10: 7

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