Previously on What Remains: “You don’t leak much for a fat lass”, “Everyone was horrid to her”, “I don’t want to retire”, “Leave it, Frank!” and “Ow! My fucking head!” And now we’re flashing back in time to discover that everyone was a meanie to Melissa. This week: Peggy and Elaine. They visit Melissa and at first it seems friendly. The want a favour but it’s also an opportunity. A favourtunity. Would she, a differently sized lady, pose in her bra and pants and be photographed for a sample promotional brochure for a company whose business they’ve been trying to land forever? Melissa would rather alone die in a loft than have strangers see her in her drawers but she does so desperately want to please and Elaine clearly has a way of getting what she wants. Your skin glows, she lies. She’s like a cat playing with a crippled hamster.
The photo shoot goes ahead – Elaine’s a very effective bully. When Melissa tries to withdraw approval for use of the photos afterwards Elaine won’t let her. She’s clearly one of the “vicious lesbians” Richard Fish from Ally McBeal identified. Melissa has to resort to legal action to get the copies of the brochure back. Peggy couldn’t be more apologetic – Elaine couldn’t be more vile. Gestalt is the name of their company from the German for “She’s alright but that other one? Christ.”
Peggy couldn’t be more apologetic – Elaine couldn’t be more vile. Gestalt is the name of their company from the German for “She’s alright but that other one? Christ.”
Vidya meanwhile is a bit worried that she might get murdered by the murdering neighbours. “Let’s invite them all round!” is her solution. That’s exactly the kind of forwardthinking that leads husbland Michael to sneak into his old school to steal Joe Turner‘s keys. Well that’s psychologically healthy. What is it about 8 Coulthard Street? He’s just moved in and he’s already behaving like a killer. When he illegally enters Joe’s flat he finds old schoolfriend Liz Fletcher. What is she – Joe’s child bride? Daughter? Unusually persistent squatter? Whatever she is it was Liz who clobbered Len at the end of the last episode so good for her.
Recovering quickly from that head trauma Len finds time to visit the hospital to bore his terminally ill brother into submission. His ailing sibling tries to rip out his life-support tubes rather than listen to another one of Len’s childhood anecdotes. “If I had the strength I’d kill you myself” his dejected stare seems to say. So instead Len tries to bond with his neighbour. He sets up a night-time date round his place with the promise of scotch, nibbles and Desmond Dekker. He gets stood up and this makes him sad. Being brained by the schoolgirl ment was the most meaningful human contact Len’s had recently. You can certainly see why he doesn’t want to admit he’s retired.
His ailing sibling tries to rip out his life-support tubes rather than listen to another one of Len’s childhood anecdotes. “If I had the strength I’d kill you myself” his dejected stare seems to say.
Also playing at being a copper is Vidya who nicks a photo from Melissa’s flat, scans it and starts a Facecrook page under Melissa’s name. Well aren’t you Little Miss Morbid? Despite apparently knowing no one in the universe Melissa gets a friend request from one Yvette Parks, no doubt soon to be followed by enquiries from Dick Scratcher and Heywood Jablowme. Nonetheless Vidya is not letting this one lie and nor is Len. Now she’s dead Melissa’s never been so popular. She should do it more often.
The verdict: Do you know Yvette Parks? No, but thanks for the tip.
Marks out of 10: 8