So now we know that The Governor has returned we’re entitled to ask where he’s been. Drifting, shifting and grifting his way across state mostly. He happens upon a family holed up in their shitbox of a home. There’s cutie Tara, her sister Lily, daughter Megan and terminally ill pops. Tara talks tough but she’s not really got this survival thing down yet. She heads up a family so stupid they haven’t realised that you have to shoot or stab zombies in the brain to kill them. Such ignorance of the conventions of horror sub-genre is truly horrifying. They allow Guv to stay the night as they probably figure: what’s the worst that can happen?
Tara’s ignorance of the conventions of horror sub-genre is truly horrifying.
Guv bonds with Megan over backgammon and starts to teach her chess so they can draw an extended chess is life analogy much like D’Angelo Barksdale in The Wire. Pops has stage 35 lung cancer and with his oxygen tanks about to run out he’s up Shit’s Creek, Atlanta scooping up faeces with his bare hands and smearing them over his face. Tara persuades Guv to go on a mission to the old folk’s home to commandeer an oxygen tank. He’s the Governor of palliative care and there’s clearly another mission the writers are on: humanise the Governor. He’s not so bad – he’s just complexcated and shit.
Tara persuades Guv to go on a mission to the old folk’s home to commandeer an oxygen tanks. He’s the Governor of palliative care.
Once in the home he weaves his way through the wheelchair-bound geriatric zombies, gets two oxygen tanks safely away and brings them back to the house. Tara is happy and Megan too. Grandpa’s excruciatingly painful life is extended by 35 minutes. Great work, Guv.
Tara is happy and Megan too. Grandpa’s excruciatingly painful life is extended by 35 minutes.
But inevitably the old fuck dies almost immediately. They gather to pay respects around his gradually cooling corpse Just as Lily is saying a fond farewell pops reanimates and grabs her. Ruh-roh! Governor Brian immediately piles in with the remaining oxygen tank and bashes it emphatically into his skull 198 times, the spectacle resembling the Zapruder footage of JFK’s death shot stuck in a loop, spraying the girls with brain matter, skull fragments and old man eyeball. “Got him!” he screams afterwards before collapsing from exhaustion.
Briand bashes him emphatically into his skull 198 times, spraying the girls with brain matter, skull fragments and old man eyeball.
Then they all fuck off to spaz around driving in dad’s work truck, the intention being to roam the land until they find a better world. The Governor finds a better world right between Lily’s legs and that’s the first piece of pussy he’s had in a while. He then bravely saves Megan from some biters because she reminds him of the daughter he lost. He may be an insane murdering rapist but he realises that family is the fundamental societal unit and without that? Well we’re no better than animals.
Of course that could be compromised by him falling into a pit with Megan and finding himself at the end of a rifle held by his old homie Martinez. I think we’ll soon find out.
The verdict: We are fa-mi-ly. I just fucked Da-vid Morrissey.
Marks out of 10: 7.5